S6ies;; 



| LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, % 



1 Chap. ..BX-7-7-3-S 1 
I s helf ^J^kl I 

$ UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. § 



SELECTIONS 



FKOM THE WHITINGS OF 



s 



MARY JESUP, 



LATE OF HALSTEAD, ESSEX. 



SOME ACCOUNT OF TWO OF HER CHILDREN. 



# 



All the paths of the Lord are mercy and truth, unto such as keep 
his covenant and his testimonies." — Psalm xxv. 10. 




LOND 
HARVEY AND DARTON, GRACECHURCH-STREET. 

1842. 



^ 



7,U& 



A* 



^ 



LONDON : 

HARVEY AND DARTON, PRINTERS, 
GRACECHURCH-STREET. 



INTRODUCTION. 



The following pages are introduced to public 
view from the consideration, that, to some by 
whom the writer was known and valued, they will 
possess the interest which such recollections 
naturally excite, while it is hoped that the in- 
structive remarks contained in this abridged jour- 
nal, and the exemplification of the Christian 
character which it exhibits as very much main- 
tained from youth to a period extended far be- 
yond what might have been expected from the 
delicate state of her health, may tend to quicken 
in others, the desire which she recorded when 
about seventeen years of age, and which con- 
tinued to be the exercise of her mind through- 
out her earthly pilgrimage, — that she might be 
purified, and made what her Heavenly Father 
would have her to be. 

Mary Jesup, daughter of John and Elizabeth 
Brown, was born atBayford near Hertford on the 
3rd of 3rd month, 1770. Her mother died in her 
childhood, but the loss of maternal care was 
much supplied by her valued aunt, Mary Jack- 
son.* At an early period of her life, continued 

* For some account of this Friend, see Piety Promoted. Part 
XI. 

A 2 



4 INTRODUCTION. 

bodily weakness, with symptoms which threatened 
consumption, induced and afforded frequent op- 
portunities for serious reflection, often during 
walks taken for the improvement of her health. 
Being thus introduced to an experimental know- 
ledge of the benefit of retirement and exercise of 
spirit as in the Divine presence, it continued to 
be her frequent practice through life ; and her 
concern that her friends might be more generally 
impressed with the importance of thus seeking 
for fresh supplies of spiritual food, was evinced in 
the publication of an address, printed in the year 
1820. 

- There appears to be but little to add to the ex- 
planatory notices which are placed at intervals in 
the Diary, to enable the reader to trace the Chris- 
tian course of this beloved friend; but it may be 
interesting to learn that, while thus earnestly de- 
sirous to be found diligently pursuing the path of 
religious duty, she was strengthened to sustain the 
various trials which fell to her lot with a great de- 
gree of resignation. This blessed experience, 
with a cheerful natural disposition, enabled her, 
notwithstanding the infirmity of deafness, to re- 
mark during her last illness, that she thought few 
had enjoyed life more than herself. Her com- 
pany was thus rendered agreeable to her young 
friends, and she often evinced the interest she 
felt on their behalf, by epistolary correspondence, 
on which it is believed a blessing frequently 
attended. 



INTRODUCTION. 



One who had for many years enjoyed this privi- 
lege of her friendship, when informed of her 
decease, expressed his feelings in the following 
terms: — " Thy letter, received this morning, has 
deeply interested and affected us : though pre- 
pared for its contents, we cannot, in looking back 
to the personal worth and Christian excellence of 
our dear departed relative, hear of her removal 
without a renewed consciousness of all those gentle, 
unobtrusive, and truly Christian graces, which 
adorned her character, and so justly endeared her 
to those who had the privilege of truly knowing 
her. But He whom she has served faithfully, 
has indeed dealt mercifully with his servant, in 
releasing her from further suffering and conflict ; 
and for her we are bound to return Him thanks, 
giving and praise- In my own small circle of 
friends I can call to mind no one, now removed 
by death from works to rewards, with the excep- 
tion of my revered uncle , whom living I 

loved more, whom, though dead, I shall oftener 
and longer remember." 

Her desire to discharge her highest duties, 
as a wife and a mother, is evident in the Diary 
and letters to her children; and it is not too 
much to say that it was answered by ability to 
fill these important relations so as to adorn her 
profession. Friends of her Monthly Meeting say, 
in their testimony respecting her, " In her con- 
duet and conversation she was watchful and circum- 
spect, and in her frequent association with those not 



O INTRODUCTION. 

iu religious profession with us, whether for bene- 
volent purposes or otherwise, she evinced a lively 
concern for the steady maintenance of our various 
Christian testimonies. In the exercise of her gift 
as a minister, she was careful to wait for the 
fresh evidence of the Divine anointing, and being 
thus renewedly qualified for service, her ministry 
was lively and instructive, and her gospel labours 
acceptable to her friends." 

May He who is often pleased to accept and to 
own the ministry of the pen as well as of the lip, 
render these evidences of the faith and devotedness 
of his handmaid, subservient to the good of his 
people, to the praise and glory of his grace, who 
made her " accepted in the Beloved." 

The short memoirs of two daughters of the 
writer, will, it is believed, be interesting and in- 
structive, particularly to the youthful reader. 



3rd mo. 10th, 1842. 



EXTRACTS, &c. 



3rd mo. 4th, 1787- Yesterday I was seventeen 
years of age. Went to meeting, where help was given 
to breathe to the Almighty for strength and assistance 
to follow Him in the way of his requirings. 

14th. Prevented going to meeting, but took a 
walk in the afternoon with the New Testament, and 
was favoured with strong- desires to serve the Lord. 

19th. Attended the Quarterly Meeting ; Kebecca 
Wright* was present, who mentioned that in her early 
years, when she attended our Meetings for Discipline, 
she was led to consider the great importance of the 
queries, with desires that she might come up to them 
in every point ; and that she had found much satisfac- 
tion in these meetings : these observations led me to 
reflect how unconcernedly I have often sat in them. 
At this time a desire attended my mind that I "might 
endeavour after greater solidity on these occasions, as 
well as in meetings for worship. 

4th mo. 15th. At Ware meeting ; where I was 
concerned to lay my low and miserable state before the 
Lord, with desires that He would assist me the re- 
mainder of my days to overcome temptation — that I 
might bless and praise Him who has delivered me 
from manifold dangers of being drawn away by the de- 

* A Friend from America. 



8 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

ceiver, who lies in wait to destroy all appearance of good ; 
and I had faith to believe that I should get the victory, 
if my heart were staid on the Father of mercies. 

5th mo. 23rd. In the early part of our meeting I 
was much tried with drowsiness, which I strove to 
overcome, and the Almighty was pleased to break 
in upon my soul, and to raise desires that I might 
be purified, and made what He would have me to be. 

6th mo. 13th. Prevented attending meeting by in- 
disposition. Had desires after the right way, but in- 
dulged in some unprofitable reading. 

14th. Again indulged in unprofitable reading, which 
my mind retained after I had laid aside the book, and 
considering how precious time is, 1 thought it would 
have been safer for me, had I read something of a re- 
ligious nature, from which wholesome and instructive 
reflections might have been elicited. 

7th mo. 10th. At Ash well. Walked before break- 
fast, and read in the Archbishop of Cambray's Medita- 
tions : I had strong desires to witness that humility 
which is so frequently enjoined by him. I went to 
meeting with cousin E. T., (with one aged friend we 
composed our meeting.) I was led fervently to sup- 
plicate in the secret of my heart for those in this place 
who are under our name, and that during my short 
stay I might be a good example to them. Blessed be 
the name of the Lord, He was pleased to make good 
his promise, that, where two or three are gathered to- 
gether in his name, He will be in the midst of them. 

1 1th. Walked out, and took with me the Arch- 
bishop's Meditations, which excited in me still greater 



OF MARY JESUP. 



V) 



desires to witness true childlike simplicity, and submis- 
sion to the heavenly will, and that I might take up my 
daily cross, and follow Him who was '' meek and lowly 
of heart." 

7th mo. 9th, 1789. "Walked in the morning with 
Thomas a Kempis's " Imitation of Christ." My mind 
was humbled by a consideration of my own deficiency, 
and a cry was raised, I trust in deep humility, for 
strength to devote my whole heart to the service of the 
Most High. Went to meeting, where I sat in great 
drowsiness and poverty, endeavouring in vain to get 
the victory ; till recollecting the promise of our dear 
Lord, " Whatsoever ye ask in my name, believing, ye 
shall receive ; " I petitioned for strength, with full as- 
surance that it w T ould avail ; and immediately the 
clouds dispersed. I was enabled to be truly thank- 
ful for so great a favour, although at intervals wander- 
ing thoughts disturbed my devotion. 

24th. I have been daily concerned that self may 
become of no reputation ; but, alas ! how little pro- 
gress do I make ; trifles, self-love, vanity, and a 
desire to gain the world's esteem, greatly retard my 
progress. I was deeply exercised this morning in 
a retired walk before breakfast, under a sense of my 
great neglect, and how far I am from that disposition 
which our Saviour enjoins, and pronounces blessed: 
" Blessed are ye when men shall revile you, and per- 
secute you, and shall say all manner of evil against 
you falsely for my sake; Rejoice, and be exceeding 
glad." I am so far from rejoicing at the reproaches 
of men, that I am desirous of avoiding the mortifica- 

a 3 



10 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

tions and frowns of the world, and wish not to forfeit 
its friendship, though I am anxious for the attainment of 
a better inheritance. How unreasonable are these de- 
sires, seeing that " the friendship of this world is enmity 
with God ! " 

[In the year 1792, Mary Brown left her father's 
house at Hertford, to reside as teacher in a friend's 
family at Staines in Middlesex, and from many of the 
intervening memoranda, she appears deeply to have 
felt the importance of this situation, and earnestly to 
have sought for the needful supplies of divine strength 
to enable her to perform her duty therein.] 

1st mo. 16th, 1796. I felt this morning when as- 
sembled with m"y friends for the solemn purpose of 
worshipping the Almighty, such a flow of gospel love 
towards some individuals, as it is not easy to express ; 
particularly such as have been visited with the day- 
spring from on high, and have conformed in exterior to 
our self-denying principles. Ah S how did I long that 
these might not forget the day of their espousals, and 
sit down contented with the form of godliness, without 
experiencing the power thereof to cleanse and purify 
from all manner of uncleanness. I experimentally 
know the danger there is of this being the case, for in 
the year 1790, after long and painful conflict with the 
spirit of this world, I was enabled in deep humility to 
make such a total surrender of my own will, that for 
the space of two years, I think I scarcely acted con- 
trary to my belief of duty; my desires to serve the 



OF MARY JfiSim 11 

Lord were strong, and my exercise on my own account* 
and on account of others, was strong and weighty. In 
1792, 1 believed it my duty to open my mouth in public 
testimony, soon after which many and sore were my 
probations, fearing that I had not waited for a sufficient 
commission to speak, attended with an apprehension 
that I had not the unity of my friends ; by thus rea- 
soning, instead of simply yielding to the manifestations 
of duty, I gradually lost ground, and though I have all 
along been preserved from forgetfulness of the Author 
of my being, or of my duty to Him, I have yet pain- 
fully felt, that I have not kept so closely to my safe 
guide as I ought to have done. For about six months 
past, my earnest solicitude has been renewed with in- 
creasing ardour, that I may become fitted and qualified 
for the Master's use. 

[It appears that from this time she was more fre* 
quently engaged as a minister, and was acknowledged 
as such in the year 1/98.] 

5th mo. 16th. I may acknowledge, with thankful- 
ness, that I have experienced of late no abatement in 
my solicitude after the attainment of a state of Chris- 
tian perfection, though there still remain in my 
heart some dispositions which spring from a corrupt 
source. 

22nd. This week I attended several sittings of the 
Yearly Meeting in London,' in which my mind was 
generally engaged in travail for the support of our dis- 
cipline, and for a revival of ancient purity amongst us 
as a society. 

6th mo. 10th. This evening I have felt of a truth 



12 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

that the reward of obedience is peace. I called upon 
a friend to inquire after a young woman, apparently 
near her end. The consideration of the loss society 
would sustain by the removal of such a valuable mem- 
ber was so deeply impressed on my mind, with 
strong desires that we might follow her example, that 
I was most easy to express my feelings. Another 
in the company was afterwards led pretty largely 
to exhort the young friends present to a faithful dedi- 
cation of their hearts to the divine will. How has 
my soul been bowed before the throne of grace, seek- 
ing for ability to become indeed what the Lord would 
have me to be; and I can testify to the praise of that 
power, which has helped me in an especial manner of 
late, that I do firmly believe his grace is all-sufficient, 
and whatever our trials and difficulties may be, we 
shall be extricated therefrom, as far as is needful for us, 
if we are but patiently waiting upon, and looking up 
to the Author of our being for deliverance. 

9th mo. 4th. I was too much indisposed to attend 
the morning meeting. During the absence of that 
part of the family which attended, I retired to my 
chamber, and endeavoured to worship the Father of 
mercies in spirit and in truth. What ardent desires 
filled my soul that I might press forward after an ad- 
vancement in true religion! The necessity of setting 
the Lord always before my face was deeply impressed 
on my mind, with fervent desires that I might conti- 
nually bear in mind that I am in the presence of the 
all-seeing God, whose watchful eye penetrates the 
most hidden thoughts of my heart, and who knows the 



OF MARY JESUP. 13 

most secret word and action of my life. How can 
this be sufficiently enforced upon the mind of an ac- 
countable being ? My spirit longs to feel it invariably ; 
that so, no unjustifiable desires or thoughts may be 
cherished, but that there may be a looking to an omni- 
present Being for counsel in all our steppings along. I 
was led in an especial manner thus to petition in the 
secret of my soul, " Make me to experience greater de- 
grees of purity than I have yet attained. — Oh ! for 
deep humility, that humility which not only makes us 
think meanly of ourselves, but willing to be thought 
meanly of by others. May every seed of pride, vanity, 
and self-love, be rooted out. Let me have no will of 
my own, my God ! but make me what Thou 
wouldst have me to be." I was led to look at the at- 
tainments of some of the Lord's servants, and the clear 
view they have, at times, been favoured with, of the 
states of individuals, though perhaps far separated in 
body, and I was discouraged, from finding but little of 
this in my own experience : I was desirous to know the 
cause, and whether I was indeed building on the right 
foundation. A comfortable calm ensued, and I had to 
remember that every member had not the same office, 
but to different persons, different services are allotted ; 
and I was favoured to rest quietly in the conclusion, 
that if I did not deprive myself of any spiritual gift by 
my own unfaithfulness or unbelief, all would be well : 
but may I be preserved in such a state of waiting and 
watchfulness, as not to miss of any good intended for 
me. Ah ! there needs more deep travail of soul, and 
a more close walking with God. O that the people 



14 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

knew what they are depriving themselves of for want 
of this watching unto prayer. 

27th. A painful exercise of mind has been for some 
days my experience : such poverty ! such strippedness ! 
such a desertion of all good, that faith has been ready 
to fail. I sat at meeting, both morning and afternoon, 
in a state of deep inward mourning that is not easily 
expressed. Towards the close of the last meeting I 
had to remember what our dear Lord said, " Satan 
hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as 
wheat, but I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail 
not." A gleam of hope succeeded, that intercession 
would at this day be made for such poor tossed souls as 
are sincerely desirous to become faithful followers of a 
crucified Saviour. 

[[The following memorandum, dated 11th mo. 1822, 
w T as found at the close of the sheets from which the 
preceding Extracts are selected; and as it alludes to 
them, and to the exercises and temptations the writer 
had passed through when young, it may not be out of 
place to introduce it here.]] 

Having this day been looking over the earliest 
memorandums of my life, my spirit has been tendered 
in the retrospect of the gracious dealings of my God 
and Saviour with my soul ; and musing on the pro- 
priety of destroying some of the foregoing simple re- 
marks, I seemed to be restrained from doing so. The 
exercise of my spirit between the age of seventeen and 
twenty years, under the prevalence of strong tempta- 
tion, is now so fresh in my memory, that I have been 
ready to exclaim, " I remember my affliction and my 



OF MARY JESUP. 15 

misery, the wormwood and the gall ; my soul hath 
them still in remembrance :" and when I reflect on the 
preservation afforded me, and the extension of an un- 
seen arm for my support, (under these conflicts,) my 
spirit is humbled within me, and thanksgiving and 
praise are raised in my heart to the Father of mercies, 
who has, I trust, more clearly revealed his Son in my 
heart, and given me ground to hope for redemption 
through his blood, even the remission of sins. Oh ! 
love unutterable ! 

2nd mo. 17th, 1797* Previous to spending half an 
hour with one who is not a member of our Society, I 
was enabled, in a peculiar manner, to seek after preser- 
vation from all unguarded conversation. In the course 
of my stay, I was requested to write to the bookseller for 
a novel; then it was that I felt the advantage of 
having previously sought for preservation ; and I had 
resolution given me, without hesitation, openly to ex- 
press my disapprobation of books of that nature, and 
that I believed it safest to spend the time far otherwise 
than in reading such works. 

23rd. I am conscious of a fault in not concealing 
from a friend some unkind hints that a person dropped 
concerning her ; may I be more particularly guarded 
against tale-bearing and detraction. 

24th. I was enabled to express my real sentiments 
in conversation, though directly opposite to those of the 
person I conversed with : if I had concealed them, I 
might have been measurably partaking of other mens 
sins. 

3rd mo. 15th. Awoke in the night with the recol- 



16 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

lection of Rutty's frequent remark in his Diary, " A 
song in the night." I thought it best to shake off the 
disposition to sleep, that my spiritual concerns might 
have weight with me even in that season, and I was 
favoured with an open time in mental supplication. 
This day I have been favoured with living desires after 
the right way, more especially this evening ; I may 
say, " As the hart panteth after the water-brooks, so 
panteth my soul after thee, O God !" 

4th mo. 2nd. Awoke earlier than usual ; arose, and 
resumed the plan of calling the children together : read 
to them, and sought to impress their minds profitably 
with the subject. — " Be pleased, Lord, more and more 
to qualify me for the arduous task of training them up 
in the way they should go, and bless my feeble endea- 
vours." At meeting, morning and evening, a desire 
prevailed, both on my own account and for my friends, 
that we might individually get to the place of true 
worship, so that if a stranger dropped into our silent 
gatherings, he might feel a clear conviction of our being 
in reality spiritual worshippers. But a distressing fear 
attended my mind, that to such we appear rather like 
lifeless formalists, under the specious pretence of having 
set aside all forms and shadows for the possession of 
vital religion. Surely there is not that weightiness of 
spirit amongst us, which was so conspicuous in days 
that are past. 

19th. Fell into company with some who appeared 
to be more occupied with desires for Zion s prosperity, 
than to entertain each other with trifling and unprofit- 
able conversation. Such company leaves a good savour. 



OF MARY JEST)?. 17 

5th mo. 12th. An unusual anxiety about my dress, 
attended with a vain wish to appear pleasing to ob- 
servers — an old foible besetting me anew. The un- 
wearied adversary is, of a truth, watching every oppor- 
tunity to enter : when he is repulsed in one temptation, 
he quickly assaults in another. May I be enabled 
to keep near that power which can give ability to dis- 
cern and avoid all his snares ! 

7th mo. 3rd. May it be the fervent desire of my 
soul to co-operate with that divine power which will 
assist my feeble endeavours, if I rightly implore it, that 
so I may arrive at a state in which I can say in sin- 
cerity, I have no will of my own : — I desire to be gra- 
tified in nothing that is inconsistent with the divine 
will ; then shall I receive the reproaches or applauses 
of men with equal indifference. I shall not seek to 
please, or to be pleased, merely from selfish motives. 
Oh ! how does this self lie concealed, and how often it 
actuates us when we are not aware of its influence. I 
know it to be so, and can trace many of my desires 
and actions to this corrupt source, though at the time I 
saw not their origin. 

9th mo. 7th. This evening I was favoured to feel a 
degree of that "hope, which is as an anchor to the 
soul," and a few grains of living faith were dispensed, 
which greatly comforted me; yea, something of that 
love which casteth out fear. I felt myself so assuredly 
under the divine notice, that I was led to believe the 
Lord would carry on the work He has in mercy begun 
in my heart, to the praise of his own name. 

10th mo. 4th. I am thankful to find that the com- 



18 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

pany of those whose minds are much engrossed with the 
fleeting enjoyments of this world, is become burden- 
some to me. A little time back, thouoh I desired to 
be preserved from joining with such persons, their 
company and conversation appeared captivating. I do 
hope that worldly joys are much stained in my view, 
and have mostly lost their relish. I love the society 
of those who travail for the prosperity of Zion, and 
whose conversation " ministereth grace to the hearers." 

that there was more of this in the world ! 

12th mo. 1st. I have kept a regular account of this 
sort for almost a year, and am now tempted to destroy 
it, and cease from the practice, because it is so replete 
with my unfaithjjlness ; but surely this will not do. 
If these omissions and commissions could by that 
means be forgotten, would there not be a greater dan- 
ger of my sitting down at ease, and of not seeing the 
need I have to go down to the washing pool ? May I 
continue honestly to record my transgressions, that it 
may prove a source of deep humiliation. Lord ! 
vouchsafe, I pray thee, thy gracious assistance, that I 
may yet be enabled to conquer my impatient temper, — 
that I may win the dear children over to things good and 
amiable, without hurting them by ill-timed reproof. 

17th. Never was I more sensible of my own po- 
verty and nothingness. At meeting I felt for some 
time left without a ray of light, but not without some 
glimmering of hope. I endeavoured to settle down in 
quiet resignation, in the silence of all flesh ; and though 

1 was incapable of craving divine assistance, I remem- 
bered to my encouragement, that our heavenly Father 



OF MARY JESUP. IV 

knoweth what things we stand in need of before we ask 
Him ; and confiding in his bounty, I was favoured to 
feel a degree of resignation, which was succeeded by an 
increase of ability in the secret of my soul, to ask help 
of Israel's God. 

1st mo. 3rd, 1798. This evening I submitted to 
what appeared a duty, in speaking to our man-servant 
on the subject of profane swearing. I asked him if he 
knew the meaning of the words which I was informed 
he had spoken. He replied that he did not, though 
he acknowledged, on my inquiry, that he knew 
they were wrong. I explained, as well as I was able, 
the nature of the expression, warned him of the 
danger of such a practice, and cautioned him against 
passion, which he alleged in excuse for his crime. 
True peace resulted from this little act of obedience. 

2nd mo. 2nd. My eldest pupil left me a day or two 
since, and I think it is very probable she will not again 
come much under my care. Oh ! how has my soul 
been bowed before the Lord for some days, on her be- 
half. How have I regretted that part of my time in 
which I was too remiss in watching over the dear chil- 
dren. If they have imbibed anything hurtful in con- 
sequence of my omissions, may they see their errors, 
and as they grow in years, be favoured with the gift of 
true repentance. 

26th. Although I have not felt impelled to note 
down my mental exercise for some days, I feel a re- 
newed belief that the love of God is still manifested in 
his dealings with my soul, and that my love to him is 
not waxed cold, though I have innumerable infirmities 



20 SELECTIONS EROM THE WRITINGS 

to encounter, and the potent enemy of my own house is 
not yet vanquished ; yet if I can but believe, verily I 
shall see the salvation of God. Lord ! help thou mine 
unbelief* 

7th mo. 12th. My mind has been considerably ex- 
ercised, from a persuasion that it is right for me to join 
our friend Mary Sterry in visiting some of the families 
belonging to this monthly meeting ; but such dis- 
couragements arise respecting the inconvenience my ab- 
sence from home will be to our family, that I am ready 
to think I may be excused. 

£ After having yielded to the above impression of 
duty, she thus remarks, at the conclusion of this ser- 
vice.] 

7th mo. 25th. It is admirable how I have been 
helped along. It has been an exercising time, but the 
Lord's strength has been manifest in my weakness. I 
have admired how this opportunity has opened a door 
for private labour among those, for whom I have for 
months past been led to wrestle for the blessing. 

26th. I reached home last evening. This morning 
my state was rather different from anything I have before 
experienced. I felt emptied and stripped, yet even this 
dispensation was attended with a peaceful serenity, in 
a consciousness of having faithfully laboured according 
to my small ability, in the nothingness of self. At 
meeting the scene brightened, and I was drawn into 
grateful acknowledgments to the Author of all good, 
for his great condescension to me ; indeed my cup over- 
flowed. 

8th mo. 26th. I sat, during the early part of the 



OF MARY JESUP. 21 

meeting this morning, in a quiet state of mind, endea- 
vouring to look to the " Minister of the sanctuary," 
yet I felt so little of the state of the meeting, and 
seemed so sensible of blindness, that I doubted whether 
I was in a capacity to be helpful to any ; but after a 
time I was afresh convinced, that in this apparently ig- 
norant state, we are sometimes permitted to have a 
glimmering of light. After sitting in apparent dark- 
ness, I saw afresh, that it is only as we are reduced 
to a state of childlike simplicity, we can hope to be 
instructed in the mystery of godliness. 

10th mo. 5th. This evening I was in company with 
some young people, who pretty freely indulged in 
speaking of the failings of their seniors, especially those 
in the foremost ranks in the society. I durst not join 
in all they said, wishing to discourage, as well as to 
avoid tale-bearing and detraction ; yet I did not feel 
much liberty to vindicate the absent, fearing lest an 
injudicious attempt of this sort should wear the appear- 
ance of a partiality, which is blind to the failings of 
those we esteem, while censuring the same in different 
characters. I said but little, except that we can 
much sooner find failings in others than in ourselves ; 
but I afterwards wished I had more freely expressed 
my disapprobation of such conversation. How desirous 
I feel that there may be amongst those in conspicuous 
stations in the Society, a diligent attention to their 
whole conduct, that so their good may not be evil 
spoken of ! 

8th. Last evening I heard of a young woman who 
appeared to be expiring ; and fearing she was not in a 



22 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

state of preparation, the prayer of my heart was, that 
she might be favoured with the gift of sincere repent- 
ance, and that if it were in accordance with the divine 
will, her life might be spared till she had made her 
peace with God. I felt a forcible impression, that it 
would be right for me to see her, if her life were pro- 
longed until this morning. After an exercising time, I 
went, and found her so far revived as to admit of my im- 
parting to her what was on my mind. I also exhorted 
her mother to a more watchful care over her children, 
believing that she had not restrained them from wrong 
things. She was much tendered, and the daughter 
seemed to take the visit kindly, but manifested little 
sensibility. 

13th. This morning I again visited the young per- 
son, who was much better. She said she had thought 
a great deal of what I had said to her, and wished to 
see me again. I explained the cause of my visit, and 
mentioned how much my mind had been engaged for 
her future well-being ; and after a time of silence had 
an opportunity to exhort her to examine how it was 
with her soul ; expressing a desire that she might be 
favoured to see the exceeding sinfulness of sin, and 
that, without sincere repentance, the sinner can- 
not hope for pardon and salvation ; that it is vain to 
suppose that the Son of God offered up his life that we 
might'continue in sin ; on the contrary, He came to save 
us from sin, that those who repent and forsake it might 
have everlasting life. 

27th. This day, and for several days past, I have 
had a hard struggle with a disposition whicli I hoped 



OF MARY JESUP. 23 

had long since been conquered — a wish to avoid sin- 
gularity in the quality of my apparel. I have found a 
strong desire to conform a little to others on the occa- 
sion of a marriage, which I am about to attend ; but 
this evening I was made sensible, that if my will is so 
strong, it must be crossed, although the thing may ap- 
pear trifling in itself ; and I hope I shall not lose my 
strength by reasoning away these impressions. Per- 
haps the necessity of taking up the cross was more sen- 
sibly felt and brought home to me, by the recollection 
of having lately written to a beloved friend, when I 
remarked that there must be a total surrender, and that 
we must not plead for the reserving of this and the 
other, as Saul did, when he kept alive some of the sheep 
and oxen. 

2nd mo. 23rd, 1799. My dear friend Abigail Pirn 
and myself, having obtained certificates to visit the 
counties of Bedford and Hertford, we set off this morn- 
ing, accompanied by our friends George Stacey and John 
Bevans, Jun., for Baldock. My mind was humbled under 
a deep sense of my own extreme weakness, and I felt so 
poor and low that my faith almost failed : yet I had 
to consider how fully I had been made to believe that 
strength would be afforded for the performance of every 
requiring, and this tended to increase my desire to cen- 
tre in a state of humble confidence in the all-sufficiency 
of that power, which is able to qualify the meanest in^ 
struments, and make them useful in their allotments. 

[^Accompanied by her friend A. P. she visited, with 
one exception, the meetings,"and, in most places, the 
families of friends in the above-named counties. On 



24 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

her return home, after parting with her beloved com- 
panion, she was much tried with the conduct of her 
fellow-passengers in the stage coach. Her own words 
will best describe her feelings, and may her faithful- 
ness be an excitement to others to do likewise, under 
similar circumstances.] 

Almost every sentence was accompanied with 
swearing, and taking the sacred Name in vain, till my 
spirit was grieved within me. I sat silent till I no 
longer dared to be an ear- witness to such profane dis- 
course, without manifesting my dislike to it. I hesitated 
long, but considering on what an errand I had been, 
and how I had been enabled hitherto to do what ap- 
peared to be my duty, it would be sorrowful, if, by un- 
faithfulness, I should after all discover that I had a 
greater desire to spare myself a little mortification, 
than to shew myself on the Lord's side. Then, under 
a pressure of spirit, I ventured to inquire whether 
they really believed there is a God ? The query struck 
one of them forcibly, and putting his hand on his heart, 
he said, " Certainly." I then observed that it must be 
displeasing to that Divine Being to have his sacred 
name thus profaned ; reminding them that it was a 
breach of the commandments, consequently of the vows 
made for them at baptism (as it is called). One of 
them laughed at this remark, but immediately acknow- 
ledged his incivility, and afterwards behaved respect- 
fully ; another thanked me, and said he knew I meant 
it for their good. "We rode several miles afterwards, 
and they were so far on their guard, as, with only one 
exception, to avoid every expression of the kind . I was 






OF MARY JEStTP. 25 

thankful that I was thus preserved from partaking in 
other men's sins, which I sometimes think is the case, 
when we omit to testify against evil, if a way open for 
it. 

3rd mo. 18th. I reached home just in time to attend 
the funeral of dear Sophia Pope, who died in her 
twenty-second year, not ten months after her sister, 
who w r as removed by the same complaint — consump- 
tion — in the eighteenth year of her age. The removal 
of these dear girls, in the bloom of youth, seems 
loudly to proclaim this language, "Be ye also ready, 
for at such an hour as ye think not, the Son of Man 
cometh." 

6th mo. 20th. I spent some time waiting on my 
dear Father, who had been more than two weeks at 
Staines. He had been poorly several days, and had 
now become so ill as to take to his bed. I was com- 
forted in observing the sweet calm that was over him : 
in a most affecting manner he related to me, that of 
late he had experienced some deliverances from the 
snares to which his nature was prone ; that in the de- 
cline of life he was exercised before the Lord, under a 
sense of his departure from his righteous law, and that 
He had condescended to arise for his help and deliver- 
ance. How was my spirit bowed before the Lord in 
grateful acknowledgments for his abundant mercy ! 

" What shall I render unto Thee, most gracious God, 
that Thou hast enabled him to wait for thy salvation 
in the evening of his day ? Enable me to adore Thee, 
and bow before Thee, under a sense of the multitude 
of thy tender-mercies ; and that the remnant of 

B 



26 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

my days may be occupied in thy service, in faithfully 
following Thee, whether in a public or private line of 
. duty. Grant, I pray Thee, that thy will may be my 
law, and that I may never act contrary to its dic- 
tates." 

24th. Last night my dear sister Susanna and 
myself sat with our beloved parent : a memorable night 
it was. He was raised from a state apparently inca- 
pable of rational conversation, to address us in terms 
which evinced that his spiritual faculties were in full 
vigour, that his thoughts were wholly occupied about 
the concerns of his own soul and those of others ; ex- 
horting us to make a right use of our time. When 
he could not be distinctly understood, I had cause to 
believe that he was engaged in prayer and praise. 
£He continued in mutability till the morning of the 
25th, when the solemn scene closed, after which the 
following reflections were penned.] 

My soul was so filled with gratitude to the Author 
of all good, that his last days were so favoured, that 
at this awful juncture I was ready to adopt the lan- 
guage, " Rejoice evermore, and in everything give 
thanks." The evening preceding his dissolution was, 
however, a heart-melting season. To see a beloved 
parent take a final leave of his offspring — to see him 
about to launch into an endless eternity, filled my mind 
with the most serious reflections ; and I was ready to 
wish that such as have their enjoyments only in the 
present life, and whose views seem to extend no further, 
might be witnesses to such scenes, that thereby they 
might be taught to reflect on the folly of being unne- 



OF MARY JESUP. 27 

cessarily occupied with things which can give no com- 
fort, can afford no solace, at the awful moment w T hen 
the spirit must quit its earthly tabernacle, and be eter- 
nally happy or miserable. No tongue can set forth my 
reflections at that solemn period. May the God of all 
consolation be pleased in adorable condescension, to 
support me whenever it may be my lot to pass through 
(i the valley of the shadow of death." 

30th. This morning I followed the remains of my 
endeared parent to the grave, and was favoured with a 
renewed belief that his departed spirit is at rest. John 
Abbott was acceptably with us. 

8th mo. 8th. I am just returned from such a meet- 
ing as I think I never before attended; the Lord's 
power appeared to be magnified over all, as in ancient 
days. Dear David Sands was enabled to labour before 
a crowded auditory, and to preach the peaceable king- 
dom of his Lord and Master, Jesus Christ, " in the de- 
monstration of the Spirit, and of power." My soul 
magnified the Lord, and rejoiced in God, my Saviour. 
" Grant, O most gracious Father, that his labour may 
not be in vain, but that through thy blessing many 
souls may be gathered unto Thee." 

9th mo. 22nd. I pass along, not in a state of in- 
difference ; but I hope pressing forward towards the 
mark, though encompassed with many infirmities and 
temptations, and a proneness at times to partake of for- 
bidden fruits, by dwelling too much on subjects that it 
would be more profitable to have erased from my 
memory. And I am tried at seasons with such a wan- 
dering mind, that it causes humiliating reflections when 

b 2 



28 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

I am favoured to see this weakness. But I trust there 
has been an endeavour to turn from all these rovings, 
and more uninterruptedly to attend to this injunction, 
" TVatch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation." 

This evening a melancholy event has happened ; 
two of our neighbours were drowned. In company 
with another person, they went on the water, but 
being, as is supposed, in a state of intoxication, they 
overset the boat, and only one made his escape. He 
is a man who has long been addicted to the sin of 
drunkenness, as well as his unhappy companions. My 
mind was struck with horror at the thought of these 
poor creatures being thus suddenly called to give an 
account of the deeds done in the body. that the 
eyes of their surviving companions may be opened, 
that they may be awakened to a serious consideration 
of their ways, before the day of mercy is passed over. 

27th. The forepart of this day, I think I may say 
that I felt an uninterrupted attraction to the Fountain 
of all good. I was favoured to draw near to God in 
spirit, and He was pleased to tender and refresh my 
soul, and I was made desirous of following Him where- 
soever He may be pleased to lead me. I became renew- 
edly exercised on behalf of the poor man who escaped 
such imminent danger a few days since, and in fear and 
trembling I gave up to visit him ; but as I drew near 
the house, this impression of duty seemed to wear off, 
so I passed quietly by, and returned home without 
seeing him. 

28th. This evening I called upon the person above- 
mentioned, and had an opportunity to set before him 



OF MARY JESUP. 29 

the wonderful deliverance he had met with, and to ex- 
press my desires that it might have a lasting good 
effect upon his mind. I had an open time in supplica- 
tion j the poor man also fell on his knees, and evinced 
much tenderness. On my return home the spirit of 
thanksgiving and praise came upon me in my retire- 
ment, for that the Lord had been pleased to make me 
willing to obey Him in a way that was exceedingly 
trying to my nature. 

The effect of this little labour I must leave to Him 
who is able to give the increase ; if it may arise as a 
sweet smelling savour, and He see right to strike it 
home with strong conviction to the party, my soul 
shall adore his Holy Name who is eternally worthy. 

10th mo. 1st. For some days past my mind has 
been deeply exercised from a belief that I should be 
required to go to the grave-yard, whenever the remains 
of the drowned man should be interred, (one has been 
buried some days,) and there wait to see what the Lord 
would have me to do. Under this weighty engage- 
ment, I was most easy to mention the concern to two 
or three friends, who, though they felt it to be a very 
serious undertaking, seemed afraid to dissuade me from 
what impressed me with so much weight. Although 
this trial was no small one, I was favoured at length to 
get into a state of entire resignation, firmly believing 
that something would be required at my hands. I 
accordingly went, accompanied by two friends; and 
after the ceremony was performed as usual, I was con- 
strained openly to exhort those gathered, in a few 
simple words, to consider whether their ways and 



30 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

doings were well pleasing to Him who formed us for a 
purpose of his glory. I returned with the reward of 
peace. 

5th. I find that a person has been inquiring for me, 
intimating some displeasure at what occurred on third- 
day. I have, however, been so preserved from un- 
easiness on that head, that if the great cause do not 
suffer on my account, it seems as if I could cheerfully 
suffer, should it be my lot, for the testimony of a good 
conscience. Before I gave up to the service, I felt pre- 
pared to receive whatever might befal me, and now I am 
favoured with a peaceful calm, let the issue be as it may. 

11th. I met this afternoon with the church clerk, 
(so called) the person who appeared most offended at 
my public appearance in the grave-yard. He inquired 
by what authority I acted. I told him that I hoped I 
had sufficient authority, and said further, that I had 
nothing but love and good- will to my neighbours, and 
that I was interested in his and their welfare, and I 
hoped that nothing which had passed would do them 
any hurt. He acknowledged that it would be well if 
people were generally actuated by love to exhort one 
another, and left me with a show of kindness. 

4th mo. 11th, 1800. There has of late been such a 
sameness in my religious exercises of spirit, that I have 
not been much inclined to pen them, yet now I may 
express how condescendingly I have been dealt with 
in one particular. My mind has been tried with 
various suggestions, leading me almost to doubt the 
rectitude of some of our religious principles ; insinuating 
that some of those ordinances, as they are called, which 



OF MARY JESUP. 31 

are in use amongst most other professors of the Chris- 
tian name, were possibly designed to be continued in 
the present day ; as there are passages in the Scrip- 
tures which appear to favour such a belief. Under 
these doubtings, I was made sincerely desirous that the 
prejudice of education should not bias my judgment, 
and that I might not receive anything for truth which 
was founded in error. In this disposition of mind, my 
understanding has been opened in so convincing a 
manner, that I have abundant cause to bow in humble 
admiration before Him, who has thus condescended to 
my weakness, and who has from time to time unfolded 
some mysteries so fully as to remove every shadow of 
doubt. I have clearly seen the danger of resting satis- 
fied with the literal signification of many Scriptures, 
which were to be hid from the wise and prudent, and 
revealed unto babes : and it now seems clear to my 
mind, that divers things which appear like positive in- 
junctions, were only metaphorical expressions, so that 
being "born again of water and of the Spirit" had no 
more allusion to elementary water, than that figurative 
language by which Christ's baptism is described in 
these words, " He shall baptize you with the Holy 
Ghost and with fire," had reference to elementary fire. 
Neither can we literally understand the expression, 
" Having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, 
and our bodies washed with pure water." At first 
sight we clearly see that the first part of this sentence 
is metaphorical, because the heart cannot be outwardly 
sprinkled : then why should any contend for the literal 
signification of the latter part, which relates no more 



32 SELECTIONS PROM THE WRITINGS 

to any exterior act, than did that cleansing of the hands, 
which in old time was commanded by a prophet of the 
Lord, " Cleanse your hands, ye sinners, purify your 
hearts, ye double-minded." In what lively colours did 
our blessed Lord define the difference between that de- 
filement which is produced by the corrupt nature in the 
heart of man, and that which relates only to these 
bodies ; thereby instructing us that true religion does 
not consist in " divers washings" received by tradition 
from our forefathers, while we neglect the weightier 
matters of the law. Many other texts of Scripture 
have been so instructively opened to my mind, that 
every shadow of doubt respecting our being right in the 
disuse of outward ceremonies is removed. 

13th. The exercise of my Spirit from day to day 
on behalf of Friends in this place is great indeed, and 
when assembled with them for the solemn purpose of 
performing spiritual worship, how fervently do I desire 
that we may be enabled to come before the Lord with 
acceptance ! O that the earnest breathings of my 
spirit for the establishment of the A'isited ones, may be 
heard and answered in merciful condescension, and that 
many may be raised up in the present generation, who 
through obedience to the manifestation of the Divine 
will, shall experience complete redemption from the spirit 
of this world, which lieth in wickedness. This can 
only be obtained through faith in the dear Son of God, 
by which we are enabled to work out our soul's salva- 
tion with fear and trembling ; yea, we find that though 
of ourselves we can do nothing, we can do all things 
through Christ who strengtheneth us. 



OF MARY JESUP. 33 

oth mo. 18th. In the third month I came to a con- 
elusion, after weighty deliberation, to leave this family 
at the close of the year. I have found peace in the 
belief that it is right it should be so, though the affec- 
tion I feel for the dear children is beyond what words 
can express. My fervent desire is, that they may be 
favoured to know the need they stand in of Divine 
direction and support to guide them through time, and 
to prepare them for an endless eternity. 

9th mo. 22nd. I left William TothuTs family the 
30th of last month, since which I have been on a visit 
to my dear relations at Hertford, and during this time 
I have often been led to seek for qualification rightly to 
conduct myself in Samuel Jesup's family, where I expect 
shortly to be engaged 

25th. I came yesterday to Halstead, and this day 
attended their week-day meeting, which was for the 
most part exceedingly dull and heavy ; but after a time 
I was favoured with secret access to the throne of 
Grace, and afresh besought the Preserver of men to 
direct all my steps, check all my evil propensities, and 
make me an example of humility, meekness, and dis- 
cretion, that so my settling here may not be the means 
of laying a stumbling-block in the way of any. 

5th mo. 31st, 1801. Being indisposed with a cold, 
I was much inclined to stay from meeting, but consi- 
dering the nature of the great duty of assembling with 
our friends for the purpose of worshipping the Father 
of spirits, and fearing, lest, by absenting myself, I should 
miss of that food which might possibly be prepared for 
me, I concluded to go, and was favoured there with 

b 3 



34 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

such a precious feeling of the Master s presence, and of his 
love to my soul, that I thought I could have sat many- 
hours under such a heavenly covering. May trifles 
never prevent my performing this important duty ! 

1st mo. 4th, 1802. It is very long since I have 
penned down any account of the Lord's dealings with 
my soul ; various have been the proving, exercising 
seasons I have passed through in the interim, and 
various also have been the manifestations of Divine 
love to an unworthy creature. After long dwelling 
under a load of discouragement, way opened last month 
for the relief of my mind by informing friends of a 
concern that had been increasing for some months, to 
visit the families in our Monthly Meeting, in which en- 
gagement our dear friend John Kirkham felt bound to 
unite. 

15th. Last night was a memorable season. I slept 
little, but was favoured with the precious overshadow- 
ing of that which enlarged my heart, and under that 
covering, several for whom I feel interested were 
brought to my remembrance, with fervent desires for 
their present and eternal welfare. I was led to consi- 
der how heavy would be my condemnation, if through 
unfaithfulness I omitted what was my proper business 
in the Lord's vineyard : and I was made at that time 
desirous, that there might be no disposition to excuse 
myself from any service that was allotted to me ; and 
that I might by dwelling near the root of life, be so 
preserved alive in the truth, as to be enabled to ani- 
mate others to a serious consideration of the necessity 
of being really in possession of what we profess. 



OP MARY JESUP. 35 

2nd mo. 1st. Monthly Meeting at Halstead. This 
day I was renewedly favoured to feel such an expansion 
of heart towards those we had visited, as no language 
can express. We informed the meeting of the com- 
pletion of our engagement. Although some peculiar 
trials fell to my lot just before engaging in this visit, I 
had renewed cause to believe that we had been moving 
in the counsel of Him who remains willing gently to 
lead the weary and burdened traveller. 

7th mo. 25th. It is not in my power to set forth 
the varied tossings of my poor mind for some time past. 
At seasons I seem as if bereft of everything good ; at 
others, to my humbling admiration, light has sprung 
up, and faith has increased : repeatedly, of late, it has 
been thus in our religious gatherings ; after seasons of 
deep mourning, and painful exercise before the Lord, 
He has dispelled the clouds of darkness, and I have 
been enabled to renew my confidence in his never-fail- 
ing power. 

Of late my views have been much directed towards 
friends of Cambridgeshire and Huntingdonshire, and, 
^favoured seasons, it has seemed pretty clear to me 
that I must give up to visit them ; then again, such a 
state of insensibility has been my portion, that I am 
disposed to think, surely I cannot be called upon to 
leave home upon such an engagement ; yet when I en- 
deavour to turn quite from it, I see nothing but clouds 
of thick darkness. This day the secret cry of my heart 
has been, that I may not on the one hand, look too 
much to discouragements, nor on the other presume on 
receiving such assistance from the great Master, as He 



36 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

only bestows on his dedicated and faithful children ; 
when possibly I may be so defective as to have no cause 
to expect that He will dispense even the barley loaves 
unto me, to administer to others. " Oh ! gracious God, 
reduce me into nothingness : make me willing to stay 
or to go, to do or to leave undone, as shall tend most to 
the honour of thy great Name : but, oh ! preserve me 
from running unsent, and thereby bringing disgrace on 
my high and holy profession." 

8th mo. 2nd. In our Monthly Meeting I felt the 
power of my great Master humbling and contriting my 
spirit, and mercifully begetting a willingness in my 
heart to yield to that which I believed He required at 
my hands. Thus I was enabled to open my prospects 
to my friends, and I desire to be thankful that a pre- 
cious solemn covering appeared to attend in both meet- 
ings. Oh ! may there be a depending upon Him who 
only can qualify for service ; then I humbly hope and 
trust He will renew my strength day by day, so that I 
shall be preserved from hurting the precious cause. 

QOur dear friend, in company with her friend Mary 
Brightwen, to whom she felt " sweetly united in reli- 
gious fellowship," visited the meetings in the before- 
mentioned counties, and in some of those adjacent. 
Though it appears from memoranda preserved of this 
visit, that during the engagement, she travelled many 
times under deeply proving feelings, and had close 
labour in some meetings, yet her faith was at seasons so 
renewed, and her heart enlarged and strengthened, as 
to excite her humble admiration, and raise the acknow- 
ledgment, " Hitherto the Lord hath helped."] 



OP MARY JESTJP. 37 

9th mo. 10th, 1803. A length of time has elapsed 
since I have made any notes respecting matters of 
serious importance. In the course of last month I 
entered into the marriage covenant with my dear friend 
Samuel Jesup. Previous to this step, the important 
prospect often induced me to crave the guidance of best 
wisdom, and that a new line of life might never have 
a tendency to beget an indifference respecting the most 
essential of all pursuits, but that we may be strength- 
ened to become mutual helpmates in things pertaining 
to the immortal part. A comfortable belief prevails 
that the aforesaid step has been taken in the fear of 
the Lord : after having sincerely sought his counsel, I 
humbly trust his blessing will attend, and his grace 
preserve us through the snares and trials of time ; and 
if we should be enabled by our upright walking, to 
glorify our heavenly Father whilst here, and witness 
preparation to live with Him and our dear Redeemer 
when we are called upon to put off these bodies, it is 
enough. But oh! the watchfulness, the steady per- 
severance in the path of duty that must be maintained, 
in order to have any well-grounded hope that such an 
inexpressible blessing is in store for us. 

4th mo. 14th, 1804. Having been exercised in a 
belief that it was right for me to give up to visit our 
meetings in this county pretty generally, with a pros- 
pect of the like engagement in some families, I believed 
it safest to open the concern in our Monthly Meeting, 
and having obtained its minute of concurrence, I left 
home this day for that purpose. 

5th mo. 18th. My S. J. met me at the conclusion 



38 SELECTIONS PROM THE WRITINGS 

of the visit, and I accompanied him home. In this 
little journey I was sweetly favoured with a portion of 
that peace which an indulgent Father graciously affords 
from time to time to his little dependent ones, who 
feel unworthy of the least of his favours. Thanks- 
giving and praise are his due. 

5th mo. 30th, 1805. Met with a close trial in the 
removal of our dear little innocent babe. He has been 
a delicate child, and required much attention. I am 
thankful in the remembrance how often I petitioned 
that my care about him might not prevent my waiting 
at wisdom's gate for counsel and instruction; much 
desiring that an undue share of my attention might not 
be engrossed by my solicitude on his account : never- 
theless, I have often found it difficult on awaking in the 
morning, to fix my whole heart in meditation on my 
God and on my duty, as I had been much favoured to do 
in time past. " But thou, Lord ! knowest when the 
feelings of nature were awakened in viewing the dear 
child's sufferings, and anticipating the separation which 
would probably soon take place — how often I was 
enabled to say in sincerity, " Not my will, but thine be 
done;" suffer not my affections to be unduly placed on 
this dear infant, neither let me covet his continuance in 
this probationary state, except it be altogether consist- 
ent with thy will. Grant, that whether he be taken 
now, or be spared to struggle with the snares of time, 
he may be thine by adoption ; and whenever the im- 
mortal spirit is freed from its frail tabernacle, receive it 
unto Thyself, and lodge it in one of the mansions in 
thy heavenly kingdom." Similar to these were the 



OP MARY JESUP. 39 

petitions which were offered on his behalf; but the 
feelings of my mind last night, when watching the 
suffering babe, were almost indescribable ; yet I have 
abundant cause for thankfulness, that I was enabled to 
centre in resignation. 

3rd mo. 12th, 1809. Some important matters have 
recently interested my best feelings. In the short space 
of a very few weeks, I have attended four burials ! 
May some of the hints which I have deemed it my 
duty to impart to the connexions of the deceased, sink 
deep into my own heart. There remains much to do — 
may it please the God of my life to spare me until 
the salvation of my soul be wrought out through the 
assistance of my blessed Redeemer, without whom I 
can do nothing. 

The prospect of an important engagement is pressing 
upon me. " If it be thy requiring that I should submit 
myself to visit the churches, make me willing, O 
my God! to leave my beloved husband and precious 
children, and venture to run on thy errands ; leaning 
upon Thee from day to day, and having no confidence 
in the flesh. If thy presence go not with me, suffer 
me not to go hence. Whether I tarry at home or am 
absent from my family, be Thou pleased to watch over 
every branch of it with fatherly care. Grant that the 
dear children may grow up as calves in the stalls, or 
as willows by the water- courses." 

[On the 16th of 6th mo. she left home, accompanied 
by her dear friend Hannah Evens, and visited the 
meetings in the counties of Berks, Oxford, and Buck- 
ingham, many of which proved very exercising, labor- 



40 SELECTIONS PROM THE WRITINGS 

ious seasons to them both. But He whose cause they 
were engaged to promote, did not leave them, but was 
graciously pleased to go before them, sustaining them 
by his power, and proving Himself to be strength in 
their weakness, and a present helper in the needful 
time. 

She reached home on the 24th of 7th mo., and 
found, as she expresses, her dear babes in usual health ; 
a favour, with many others, for which she desired to 
be truly thankful.] 

8th mo. 5th. Since my return home, a state of ex- 
treme poverty has been my portion, so that I am 
indeed fully convinced that in me, that is, in my flesh, 
dwells no good thing ; but the remembrance of the sup- 
plies my soul was furnished with, when I went on my 
great and good Master's errands, has at seasons hum- 
bled my spirit, and caused me still to hope in his 
mercy. May I never despair, though the heavens 
may seem like brass ; if I am but strengthened to per- 
severe in watchfulness, I trust that preservation will 
be afforded. 

1st mo. 21st, 1810. I am encompassed with so 
many infirmities, that at times I can with much pro- 
priety adopt the language of one deeply tried formerly. 
" Behold, I go forward, but He is not there, and back- 
ward, but I cannot perceive Him : on the left hand 
where He doth work, but I cannot behold Him. He 
hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see 
Him." In this state of desertion, I am incapable of 
searching my own heart as I wish, but assuredly, '■ He 
knoweth the way that I take," and oh ! that I had 



OP MARY JESUP. 41 

faith to believe that " when He hath tried me I shall 
come forth as gold." If this blessed end be accom- 
plished, it is all that I desire. I know that these 
"light afflictions which are but for a moment," are 
not to be accounted grievous, if the great work of the 
soul's sanctification be really going forward. 

3rd mo. 3rd, 1811. Forty-one years have I been a 
sojourner in this vale of tears ; most of that time my 
heart has coveted that I may become a progressive tra- 
veller towards the heavenly Canaan; and at times I 
have been wonderfully preserved during the buffetings 
of Satan, who all along has lain in wait to impede my 
spiritual progress. When I look back, my heart is 
filled with gratitude in tracing the loving-kindness and 
watchful care of a gracious Protector, who I believe 
has uttered this language when the enemy of all good 
has assailed, " So far shalt thou go, and no farther." 
He has not suffered him wholly to prevail to the 
hardening of my heart ; but when there has been in any 
degree a departure from the safe guide, deep remorse 
and abasement of soul have succeeded. 

11th mo. 27th. My dear young family, with a num- 
ber of circumstances and daily interruptions, seem to 
allow very few opportunities for making memorandums 
of this kind ; yet I esteem it an unspeakable favour 
that intervening things need not prevent that state of 
recollection wherein we feel what we are, what we de- 
sire to be, and what we stand in need of every hour. 
"Weak, poor, and low as I am, these impressions are 
much oftener than the day made upon my mind, 
although I often feel it difficult to attain to that state 



42 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

of inward quiet abstraction from all inferior care or en- 
joyment, in which the voice of the Good Shepherd can 
be distinctly heard. I long for a more close communion 
with God — for greater ability to walk before Him " in 
the beauty of holiness." -Very solemn and awful im- 
pressions have been made upon my mind of late, 
respecting the termination of the natural life, and I 
perceive not those clear views of being permitted to 
join " the spirits of just men made perfect," when my 
spirit is dislodged from its earthly tabernacle, which my 
longing soul desires. " God of love ! grant that how- 
ever unworthy I may be to share therein, I may yet 
hope in thy mercy, and obtain salvation through the 
merits and intercession of the dear Saviour of men." 

1st mo. 2nd, 1812. I think I am not yet wholly 
forsaken of my God. He has at seasons humbled and 
contrited my soul, and given me ability to turn the at- 
tention of my two little girls to the great Author of 
their being ; to endeavour to impress on their tender 
minds a sense of the infinite obligations they owe to 
their heavenly Father, and to point out the different 
states of the righteous and the wicked after death. 
May the good Remembrancer enforce these awful truths, 
and convince their youthful minds, that " Light is sown 
for the righteous, and gladness for the upright in heart." 
Without the divine blessing, I am fully aware that all 
my endeavours to lead them in the right way will prove 
unavailing ; but may I not hope that the secret peti- 
tions of my heart on their behalf will one day be re- 
warded openly? " Grant, I entreat Thee, Father of mer- 
cies ! that all of them may be taught to know and be- 



OF MARY JESUP. 43 

lieve in Thee, the only true God, and in Jesus Christ, 
whom Thou hast sent. Guide them and their parents 
by thy counsels, and afterwards receive us into glory." 

6th mo. 6th. My feelings have been much tried 
this week in watching with my dear sick babe. He is 
likely soon to exchange a state of great suffering, for a 
seat in that kingdom of rest and peace, into which we 
are taught to believe that " little children" are merci- 
fully admitted. I have all along laboured after resig- 
nation, and have been enabled to adopt the language, 
" Not my will, but thine be done ;" yet I never before 
felt such calm composure, as pervaded my spirit this 
afternoon, when I thought I could cheerfully resign the 
precious treasure. May the like favour be still dis- 
pensed : even then the tear of affection may be shed, 
I humbly trust, without offending the great Disposer of 
events. Jesus wept for Lazarus ; the remembrance of 
this is often a great consolation, when I cannot restrain 
such emotions. 

7th mo. 5th. O that my mind may be so staid 
upon the Lord, that a portion of his peace may be 
vouchsafed. Although I hope and believe I am en- 
tirely resigned to the dispensation that has been allotted, 
yet more often than the day, yea^ very many times in each 
day, do my thoughts recur to the departed object of 
my maternal affection. Oh ! may my spirit be pre- 
pared for an inheritance with the saints in light, when 
this mortal shall put off mortality ; and may I not be 
suffered to offend by dwelling too deeply on my loss : 
on the contrary, may I be prepared for whatever trials 
may yet in wisdom be dispensed. When I look at 



44 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

dear Henry Hull's* privation, I see how light are the 
afflictions which hitherto have befallen me. 

1st mo. 1813. I am spared to see the commence- 
ment of another year. that my time may not be 
lengthened in vain, but that a lively exercise of soul 
may be maintained, to be steadily engaged in the great 
work of the day. I have been so much tried of late, 
with the absence of the beloved of my soul, when I 
have been earnestly desirous to seek Him, that the 
enemy hath been permitted to assail me with deep dis- 
may. May I be enabled to bear with patience and 
resignation these withdra wings of sensible consolation, 
and to adopt the language, " Though Thou slay me, 
yet will I trust in Thee." Surely if I were utterly 
cast off, I should not witness those consolations which 
are still at seasons dispensed, especially when assembled 
with my friends for the solemn purpose of performing 
spiritual worship. 

[[In the spring of this year our dear friend paid a 
visit to the meetings and families of Friends belonging 
to Essex Quarterly Meeting, in which labour of love 
she was joined by her former companion, Hannah 
Evens, whom she afterwards accompanied into Bury 
Monthly Meeting, in Suffolk, where they made a simi- 
lar visit. She was favoured to rejoin her beloved 
family on the 10th of 6th mo., with feelings of thank- 
fulness and peace.[] 



* Referring to the loss which this dear friend sustained 
whilst on a religious visit in England, by the death of his 
wife, son, mother, and other near relations. See H. Hull's 
Affectionate Address to Youth. 



OF MARY JESUP. 45 

10th mo. 3rd. My mind has of late been much ex- 
ercised on behalf of individuals, some of whom I have 
addressed in writing. I long for the prosperity of the 
cause of Truth, and desire to be found faithful in my 
small measure, though I am well assured that I am 
but an unprofitable servant, even if preserved in the 
line of duty. O the vigilance that I find needful 
against the attacks of the enemy, who in various ways 
is besetting my poor mind ! and I am assured that 
nothing can enable me, or any one, to come off con- 
queror, but entire trust and confidence in the dear 
Redeemer, who came to save us from our sins. May I 
and mine yield to the precious influences of his divine 
Spirit, which will make us meek and lowly in heart. 
For myself, I fervently desire that when opposing 
wrong things in others, I may be preserved from fight- 
ing with my own weapons ; but if any be overtaken 
by a fault, may I endeavour to restore such an one in 
the spirit of meekness, bearing in mind that precious 
exhortation, " Let this mind be in you, which was also 
in Christ Jesus." 

4th mo. 10th, 1814. About a week since I was 
seized in the evening with trying spasms in the chest, 
which affected my breath through the night in an 
alarming degree. How forcibly did I then feel the 
weight of a remark, which many have made when laid 
upon a bed of sickness, that the pains of the body are 
enough to bear at such a time, without the additional 
weight of a wounded conscience. I earnestly coveted 
ability to attain to a state of resignation to the Divine 
will ; yet I felt a degree of that awful anxiety which 



46 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

must accompany a lack of assurance respecting our 
sanctification, justification, and final acceptance. To- 
wards morning the suffering became less acute; but 
through mercy the desire has been prevalent, that the 
Lord would not spare, nor his eye have pity, until He 
hath made me what He would have me to be. A sus- 
taining calm has at seasons been experienced, wherein I 
have felt more peaceful in the prospect of dissolution 
than at any former period. 

" Oh ! gracious Father, permit me again to supplicate 
for my dearest earthly friend, that his pious endeavours 
may be strengthened ; that his better part, the immortal 
soul, may be nourished and kept alive by partaking of 
" the bread of life ;" that thereby he may be preserved 
from sustaining loss by his necessary attention to the 
cares of this life. Be pleased to enable us jointly to 
seek first the kingdom of heaven and the righteousness 
thereof, trusting to thy mercy to supply our temporal 
wants. Bestow upon our precious children such a 
measure of thy grace, as shall enable them to walk 
acceptably before Thee all the days of their appointed 
time, and strengthen us, their parents, increasingly to 
become as way-marks unto them in our lives and con- 
versation. Qualify and prepare our hearts to offer 
unto Thee thanksgiving and praise, and dispense the 
spirit of fervent supplication from day to day : for 
unto Thee belong praises and honour, with thy dear 
Son, our gracious Mediator, through whose merits 
and intercession we desire ability to approach the throne 
of grace from season to season, that we may find 
grace to help in time of need. Amen and Amen." 



OF MARY JESUP. 47 

12th mo. 25th. I incline to pen some reflections 
which this morning occurred upon my bed, it being the 
day called Christmas. I felt desirous that we, a people 
professing to have attained to greater spirituality than 
some others, might deeply feel the importance of that 
memorable display of the Father's love to poor fallen 
man, in permitting his beloved Son to take upon Him 
our imperfect nature, that so He might have a feeling 
of our infirmities, being tempted in all points like as we 
are, yet without sin ; and when He had triumphed over 
death, hell, and the grave, " He led captivity captive, 
and received gifts for men." Oh! here is love indeed. 
At meeting, similar considerations impressed my mind, 
accompanied with an exercise on behalf of the thought- 
less multitude, who at this season are so frequently 
hurried into dissipation and mirth; and I believed it 
my duty publicly to offer those petitions which had 
been secretly raised in my heart, and found peace 
therein. 

5th mo. 21st, 1815. I purpose leaving home to- 
morrow, to attend our annual meeting in London. 
Much do I desire that my mind may be so regulated 
by the unerring Spirit of Truth, that I may be preserved 
in my proper place, either to attend the meetings 
throughout in silent exercise, or if anything should be 
clearly pointed out for expression, to cast my mite into 
the treasury, let the cross to my nature be ever so 
great. My dear Sarah is likely to accompany me. 
O that a blessing may be vouchsafed, that the things 
of time may fade in her view, and an increasing desire 
be raised in her heart to be prepared for eternity. 



48 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

6th mo. 3rd. I was favoured to reach home this 
evening, and found my beloved family well, a favour 
which I desire to be truly thankful for ; also that I 
have been permitted to enjoy such a share of health 
during my absence, as has enabled me to attend all the 
meetings for discipline, in which we were many times 
favoured eminently to experience the extension of Di- 
vine regard. The close of the meeting at large, also of 
that for ministers and elders, was, in an especial man- 
ner overshadowed by the presence of the great Master 
of assemblies, insomuch that the cups of many ran 
over : and I have no doubt that the secret language of 
humbled and grateful hearts was, " This is the Lord's 
doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes." that such 
seasons may be duly prized, that they may have a ten- 
dency to strengthen our faith in that all-sufficient power 
which is able to silence the passions of his creatures and 
make them subject to his blessed will. At such times 
how are exercised minds brought into travail on behalf 
of the giddy thoughtless part of our society, who come 
to meetings, and return from them as they come, un- 
mindful of the solemn duty which they profess to meet 
to perform. May these, when favoured to be made sen- 
sible of their dangerous situation, be wise enough to 
flee unto Him upon whom " help is laid," that they 
may have their eyes anointed to see their own states, 
the beauty there is in holiness, and their utter inca- 
pacity of becoming what the great Head of the Church 
would have his servants to be, without submitting to 
the influence of the Holy Spirit, which only can sanctify 
vessels for the Master's use. 



OP MARY JESUP. 49 

12th mo. 31st. I am prevented by debility and fre- 
quent indisposition from attending meetings so constantly 
as I wish, but I earnestly desire that when thus unable 
to assemble with my friends, my time may be profitably 
spent. I rejoice to feel, whether in company or alone, 
an almost constant attraction to the Source of all good ; 
although I am so much bereft of ability to be useful to 
those amongst whom my lot is cast, that I have daily 
to adopt the language in the secret of my soul, " Oh ! 
my leanness, my leanness." 

6th mo. 28th, 1816. Yisited our aged friend, James 
Birch of Chelmsford, who expressed his desire that every 
breath might be spent to the honour of his Heavenly 
Father, adding, that it was threescore years since he 
first put his hand to the plough in good earnest, and he 
hoped that he should never look back : that if he could 
not express what he felt, he still desired in meetings that 
the "Ancient of Days" might be near to all, and that his 
power might abound and increase amongst us. After 
this we were instructed and tendered in spirit by pe- 
rusing an account of the latter days of our deceased 

friend , under the roof of his precious widow; 

and no doubt her company, and the sympathy we felt 
towards her, increased the solemnity of the season. Oh! 
that we who survive, may be instructed by the testi- 
mony of " a cloud of witnesses," under such awful 
circumstances, even the many who have been lovers of 
God, and have manifested themselves to be on his side 
in time of health, who as they approached the confines 
of the grave have been made sensible of their many de- 
ficiencies, and have felt of a truth, that if they ever 

D 



50 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

obtained salvation, it would be of mere mercy. This 
must be the conclusion of every truly awakened Chris- 
tian. He would feel, even if he had been preserved in 
unremitting obedience to manifested duty, that he had 
not attained this of himself; therefore the language of 
his humbled mind would be, " What I am, I am by 
the grace of God." How clearly and beautifully are 
the means of obtaining such a state of acceptance set 
forth in the sublime and comprehensive language of 
Scripture, " Now the God of peace, that brought again 
from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of 
the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting cove- 
nant, make you perfect in every good work to do his 
will, working in you that which is well pleasing in his 
sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever 
and ever. Amen." May we endeavour to profit by the 
lamentations of those who, near the close of life, have 
mourned, because in time of health they had not been 
more spiritually minded, more uninterruptedly engaged 
in their Heavenly Father's business. Oh ! my soul, get 
thee to the watch-tower, that thou mayst hear what 
may be said unto thee, and what thou shalt answer 
when thou art reproved. 

7th mo. 14th. The case of a poor maid-servant who 
lived in the family where I resided many years ago, 
whom I taught to read, sometimes instructively occurs 
to my mind. Under much mental exercise she ex- 
pressed to me a great concern respecting a future state, 
&c. and added, " I never thought much about these 
things till I learnt to read, and have been read to so 
much." I endeavoured to give such counsel as at that 
time opened. She was then a very healthy girl, and 



OF MARY JESUP. 51 

naturally of a volatile disposition. She soon afterwards 
left the family, and in a few weeks we heard of her dis- 
solution. Oh ! then what thankfulness filled my heart, 
that I had been the unworthy instrument of turning her 
attention to the most important of all concerns. The 
Searcher of hearts only knows whether the impressions 
she then received remained with her ; but I am willing 
to hope she was led to the fountain-head for instruction 
in righteousness. 

3rd mo. 6th, 1817. An exercise which long since 
attended my mind, respecting visiting Friends in the 
counties of Kent, Surry, and Sussex, having of late 
revived, I ventured to open the subject in our monthly 
meeting, and obtained its certificate, setting me at 
liberty to pursue my journey as way may open ; and my 
friend, Hannah Evens, yielded to bear me company. I 
this day left home with my dear husband, who intends 
to accompany me to Rochester. 

4th mo. 23rd. Reached home after having expe- 
rienced Divine support in a manner exceeding all that I 
recollect to have witnessed in former engagements of 
the kind. Oh ! how unworthy have I, from time to 
time, felt myself of the favours received from the great 
Master. I regret that I made no memoranda as we 
passed along, to commemorate the goodness and conde- 
scension of our holy Head ; but I hope to bear in mind, 
with a thankful heart, the dealings of infinite wisdom 
with my soul, in supporting me under some peculiar 
trials. One of these was the illness and final close of 
my dear brother James Brown, of Staines, whose burial 
I attended, and, contrary to my expectations, was 
strengthened at that awful period to labour with those 

d 2 



52 



SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 



among whom my lot was cast, which tended to the 
relief of my own mind. I desire also to acknowledge, 
under a sense of heartfelt gratitude to the Author of all 
our mercies, his watchful care over my own household, 
in my absence. May He enrich them all with an un- 
ceasing supply of spiritual blessings. 

6th mo. 4th, 1818. I am no longer satisfied to omit 
remarking, that condescending mercy has followed and 
preserved me in this long interval, in a manner that 
excites inexpressible gratitude ; for notwithstanding 
seasons of great dismay have been witnessed, under an 
humble sense of my own unworthiness, there have been 
times when my faith in the efficacy of redeeming love 
has been so strong as scarcely to admit of a doubt but 
the great work of the soul's salvation would be accom- 
plished, previous to its separation from this frail taber- 
nacle. This consoling prospect has been like an anchor 
to my soul, both sure and steadfast, though not always 
equally sustaining ; yet I dare not distrust, for though 
I am sensible that the seeds of the first nature are not 
wholly extirpated, I feel that there is a superior power 
at work in my heart which mercifully controls and 
prevents their growth : still enough is experienced of 
their existence, to convince poor frail human nature that 
it is continually prone to evil, and that only through 
divine grace can the heart be changed, and the affec- 
tions set on things above. 

The last two weeks have, in different ways, been a 
season of instruction. I left home to attend the Yearly 
Meeting, and was present at several sittings of it, much 
to my comfort, and, I trust, edification ; but my feeble 



OF MARY JESUP. 53 

frame being attacked with indisposition, I was deprived 
of this privilege during the last week of my absence 
from home, and was afresh instructed that nothing 
short of an endeavour to look simply and singly to 
Jesus as the author and finisher of our faith, can avail 
any of the sons of men. We may, and we ought to 
receive with thankfulness the instruction and counsel 
which He is pleased to impart through the medium of 
the poor instruments ; but they can no otherwise avail 
us, than as they prove the means of strengthening 
our faith in Him, and encouraging us to believe and 
obey. I am firmly persuaded that every deliberate act of 
disobedience will darken the understanding, and " if 
the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that 
darkness ! " On the other hand, if there is an endeavour 
humbly to wait at Wisdom's gate for fresh supplies of 
instruction, we shall witness the fulfilment of this de- 
claration, " My grace is sufficient for thee." Thus, if 
we are actuated by this divine and precious principle, it 
is no more, (we that act, or) we that live, but Christ 
that (acteth or) liveth in us. Therefore it is not the good 
works of the creature that can forward the soul's salva- 
tion ; but if they be produced through the efficacy of 
that Spirit which ordained that we should walk in them, 
they cannot fail to be acceptable to the Father, through 
Him who " gave himself for us, that He might redeem 
us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar 
people, zealous of good works." 

Every enlightened mind, while praying for ability in 
this way to manifest himself on the Lord's side, will be 
made deeply sensible that it is by grace we are saved, 



54 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

and that not of ourselves, it is the gift of God. Thus 
all boasting will be excluded. 

9th mo. 26th. I have been confined to my chamber 
by serious illness for more than seven weeks. On look- 
ing towards an awful eternity, I was humbled under a 
sense of my deviations from the path of duty in early 
life, and the weaknesses and infirmities which had re- 
mained with me during my pilgrimage through time, in 
a manner -that strengthened the conviction that to me 
belongs nothing but shame and confusion of face, and 
that if I had had my deserts I should long since have 
been " consumed." Under this feeling I was enabled 
to look with an eye of faith towards the " Lamb of 
God, which taketh aw T ay the sin of the world;" and 
my soul magnified the Father, who " so loved the 
world that He gave his only begotten Son, that who- 
soever believeth in Him should not perish, but have 
everlasting life. I felt that I believed in Him as my 
Advocate, my Mediator, and Intercessor, and was 
enabled to resign myself " as into the hands of a faith- 
ful Creator." What an inexpressible favour, at such a 
time, to witness living faith in the dear Redeemer ! It 
filled my heart with rejoicing, insomuch that I " joyed 
in the God of my salvation." 

10th mo. 22nd. I continue too much of an invalid 
to be able to attend meetings, or even to get up and 
down stairs without assistance. The desire of my heart 
often is, that I may be truly thankful for even temporal 
blessings, which I am daily favoured with, by receiving 
the kindest attention to the wants of the poor body, 
from my dear family and friends, and an affectionate 



OF MARY JESUP. 55 

sister, whose lot has been cast with me during my illness. 
May I imitate the importunate widow, by con- 
tinually petitioning for those spiritual blessings for me 
and mine, which alone can enable us to maintain 
the warfare with the spirit of darkness that would ob- 
scure our paths and lead to the chambers of death, were 
it not true, as testified by Jesus Christ our Lord, " I 
am come a light into the world, that whosoever be- 
lieveth in me should not abide in darkness." The wi- 
dow in the parable importuned the unjust judge ; but 
I desire to importune Him who remaineth to be the 
" King of saints," whose ways are just and true, and 
great and marvellous are his works ! I trust that in 
his own time He will again appear for my help, 
though I have not now such a lively perception of 
divine things, or so much light in reading the Scrip- 
tures of truth, as I was favoured with during the serious 
part of my illness. I am sure I ought patiently to wait 
for that I see not, often having so undeservedly expe- 
rienced the goodness and mercy of God, through Jesus 
Christ our Lord. 

11th mo. 29th. Thanks to the Father of mercies, 
who still condescends to break in upon my soul, and 
kindle in my heart desires to be made conformable to 
his divine will. May the deep sense of my own un- 
worthiness, which so powerfully impressed my mind 
during the most serious part of my illness, remain with 
me, and be inscribed upon my heart as with the point 
of a diamond, accompanied with a lively faith in the 
all-sufficiency of divine grace, and the efficacy, of the 
sufferings and death of Christ to redeem the believing 



56 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITI2s GS 

penitent, who sighs to be wholly and completely washed 
in the layer of regeneration. This truly is my case, 
but, alas ! accompanied with a consciousness that I have 
not yet attained. 

7th mo. 25th, 1819. I have been favoured safely to 
arrive at Leiston Abbey.* I left home on third-day, 
and reached this place in the evening of the following 
day. I desire thankfully to acknowledge the mercy 
which has been dispensed in the ability to make such 
an exertion, which may, with the Divine blessing, 
prove the means of expediting my recovery. At pre- 
sent there certainly appears some ground to hope, as the 
air and bathing have already had a very strengthening 
effect. If it should be consistent with the will of Him 
who doeth all things well, to restore me to a greater 
degree of health, may I resolve, through his assistance, 
to adopt the language, 

" My life, if Thou preserv'st my life, 
Thy sacrifice shall he r " 

if, on the contrary, the powers of nature should fail, 
may a well-grounded hope be mercifully afforded, 
that 

" Death, if death must be my doom, 
Shall join my soul to thee." 

8th mo. 1st. Oh ! for more ability uninterruptedly 
to watch unto prayer. I am jealous of myself, that my 
time in this sequestered spot has not been improved as 
it ought to have been ; the animal spirits have been 
raised in my daily rides; and the enjoyment excited by 
* Near Aldboro', Suffolk. 



OF MARY JESUP. 57 

beholding the admirable works of nature, with the vi- 
vacity of my dear girls, I fear has had a tendency to 
make me rest too much in the outward enjoyment of 
these thino-s : yet, through mercy, not to the exclusion 
of meditations on Him who is " the Creator of the ends 
of the earth," accompanied at seasons with, I trust, a 
sincere travail of soul for myself and others, that we 
may be enabled to answer the great end of our exist- 
ence. But I long to feel a more continual attraction 
heavenward, which has been the case in some favoured 
times of my life. 

9th mo. 19th. I desire thankfully to acknowledge, 
that during my stay at Leiston, I attended meetings 
regularly from the 8th of last month, with only two 
exceptions from indisposition ; a privilege indeed, after 
so long a privation. At such seasons how unspeakably 
important we are convinced it is, to " use all diligence 
to make our calling and election sure." I cannot easily 
convey to others what I feel for them, when so assem- 
bled, but I am thankful, when looking back, that ac- 
cording to the capacity received, I laboured with my 
friends in gospel love. I was also helped occasionally 
to offer a few hints after reading to my children, when 
some of the family were present, or vocally to suppli- 
cate the Father of mercies. These little acts of dedica- 
tion were followed with sweet peace of mind, and 
some increase of spiritual strength. 

2nd mo. 9th, 1820. This morning, while dressing, 
my spirit was mercifully broken in upon; and those 
desires which always prevail in some degree, though at 

d 3 



58 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

times under a sense of much languor, were fervent for 
myself and my dear connexions, that we may be of the 
number of the spiritually minded. Ah, my precious 
offspring ! " Open their understandings, O thou God 
of love, and cause the true light to shine in their hearts 
so effectually, that the native darkness may be dispelled, 
that they may become children of the light and of the 
day." I have recurred to the season of my late serious 
indisposition, about seventeen months since ; how mer- 
cifully was I dealt with ! I was even filled with joy 
and peace in believing that the Lamb of God would 
indeed condescend to take away my sins so effectually 
that the sting of death would be removed, and that the 
grave would have no victory. Oh ! that now I am 
blessed with comparative health, I may not grow care- 
less and lukewarm, and presume on the like consolations 
being afforded when the awful close may indeed arrive. 
Surely one so unworthy of so great salvation must ex- 
pect much conflict to precede such an event, though I 
have faith at this moment to believe that I shall not be 
utterly forsaken. O that I may abide in Christ, the 
true vine ! 

Q Although thus restored to " comparative health, 5 ' 
the writer of these memoranda was, after this illness, 
much disabled from walking ; but she frequently rode to 
meetings at home, till within twelve months of her 
death ; and in the year 1827 she paid a religious visit 
to friends in Suffolk and Norfolk. This journey is al- 
luded to at p. 63.] 

12th mo. 17th. Solid peace has attended my mind, 



OF MARY JESUP. 59 

in having yielded to address my fellow-professors on the 
great duty of religious retirement;* nevertheless 
I have been more stripped and proved since that time 
than for some years previously, a dispensation which I 
believe, beyond a doubt, has been ordered in wisdom, that 
I may be renewedly convinced that all ability to 
espouse the cause of true religion proceeds from the 
great Head of the Church, and that the poor instru- 
ment has nothing to glory in. 

My soul desires to be deeply humbled under a sense 
of my own unworthiness, and of lively gratitude to 
Him who has, from time to time, enlightened my heart, 
and made me at seasons a feeble instrument to proclaim 
his goodness, his power, and his love ; to call upon others 
to meditate thereon, and to " praise the Lord, for his 
mercy endureth for ever." Since the publication of the 
little Address, a friend who was in possession of a 
printed memoir of the late Martha Boone of Birming- 
ham, with a selection from her writings, was struck 
with the similarity of her views with mine, and kindly 
lent it me. T also have been peculiarly affected in 
reading it. Many expressions are very similar to what 
are frequently introduced in these pages, also in a letter 
of advice to my children at school. t 

2nd mo. 3rd, 1822. I have been led to desire that 
the errors of our friends may, instead of discouraging, 
lead us to increasing care and watchfulness — to deep 
searching of heart. My faith is firm, that there is a 
power mercifully willing, as well as able, to preserve 

* See the Address, &c. t See page 74. 



60 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

all that apply in singleness of heart and abasedness of 
soul, for grace to help in time of need. It is for want 
of leaning on this unfailing Arm that any are permitted 
to stumble and fall : " Let him that thinketh he standeth, 
take heed, lest he fall." May I, as an individual, be 
afresh excited to a deep sense of the need of being 
spiritually minded — here alone is onr preservation 

7th mo. 27th, My parental solicitude has often been 
awakened within a few months, on account of the in- 
disposition of one of my dear girls, so that fears have 
been prevalent lest consumption should ensue. Fervent 
have been the secret petitions offered on her behalf, that 
the immortal part may be prepared for " an inheritance 
among them that are sanctified." Language would fail 
to set forth the exercise of my heart on this subject, and 
yet I have seldom seen any way pointedly to address 
her thereon. The feelings of nature, in the prospect of 
a separation, have been indescribable, yet through ado- 
rable mercy I have been strengthened to supplicate that 
I may not ask lengthened life for this precious child, 
except in strict conformity with the Divine will ; and 
that if her time here is prolonged, she may live to the 
praise of Him who died for our sins, and rose again 
for our justification, and is mercifully dispensing his 
gifts to the workmanship of his holy hand. 

10th mo. 7th, 1825. Once more I feel disposed to 
acknowledge, on paper, what have been the secret exer- 
cises of my mind of late, our dear children having been 
tried with indisposition for more than two years. The 
secret prayer of my heart has often been raised to Him 
who knows what is best for us, that his dispensations 



OF MARY JESUP. 61 

may be accepted with resignation, and be sanctified to 
us individually, both parents and children. " O thou 
adorable Being, who dost not afflict willingly, nor grieve 
the children of men, do with me and mine as seems 
right in thy sight ; only sanctify us through thy truth : 
thy w T ord is truth. I thank Thee for the discipline 
which Thou hast seen meet to dispense, and pray that it 
may not be lost upon any of us, through our inaptness 
to receive instruction. If thou see meet to restore my 
children to health, dispense also thy restraining grace, 
to preserve from the evils which are in the world ; and 
may thanksgiving and praise be raised in each of our 
hearts." 

7th mo. 1826. About three months since my dearest 
earthly companion was visited with a serious attack of 
illness. If ever, in the course of my life, I felt the value 
of Divine support, it was then, when ray affectionate 
feelings were alive to his precarious situation, and the 
nature of his complaint was such, that it was thought 
unsafe to converse with him for some days. Oh ! then 
the inexpressible consolation of being enabled to 
commend him to his God and Saviour, in a degree of 
faith that He would either restore him to health, or re- 
ceive the immortal spirit in mercy ! He who saw our 
need of such a protector has mercifully prolonged' the 
life of my dear partner, and condescended to be very 
near him during his illness ; and in the prospect of his 
recovery, much have I desired that the remnant of our 
days may be spent increasingly in his fear. Our 
dear children also are much improved in health. May 
these blessings prompt the inquiry, " "What shall we 



62 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

render unto Thee for all thy benefits ? " and oh, that the 
resolve may be — our whole hearts. 

[^Samuel Jesup survived his beloved wife about 
eighteen months. When the frail tabernacle was fast 
giving way, under feelings of great unworthiness, he 
was enabled humbly to " hope" and confide in that 
" mercy," which he gratefully acknowledged had fol- 
lowed him all his life long : and he was earnestly soli- 
citous that others also might be similarly blest, and at 
the solemn close of life be permitted to experience the 
same support. Once, alluding to the fearful situation 
of those who continue in a state of lukewarmness, care- 
less of the great duty of life, he said, " What will 
they do when they lie upon a bed like this ? " He 
was favoured to sink peacefully away on the 4th of 
second month, 1837, aged nearly seventy-five years.] 

7th mo. 1828. The last memorandum I have 

just read, which closes with reference to our dear family ; 
how little did I think, when that was written, that the 
removal by death of our precious Sarah Knight would 
be the next occasion on which the pen would be em- 
ployed in this way. On the 28th of 5th month her 
redeemed spirit was liberated from an enfeebled taber- 
nacle, and was admitted, we cannot doubt, " into the 
joy "of her Lord." Oh ! when I take a retrospective 
view of her life, and reflect on what has been done for 
this dear subject of many prayers, I feel lost in adora- 
tion and thankfulness to Him who has perfected his own 
work in her heart ; yea, " cut the work short in 
righteousness," and received in mercy the immortal 
part. " What shall we render unto Thee for so great 



OF MARY JESUP. 63 

salvation ? Oh ! thou who canst indeed " work all our 
w^orks in us," and who hast revealed thy power and thy 
mercy in this instance of thy condescending regard, by 
staining the glory of this vain world in her view, and 
leading her to seek for glory and immortality, by living 
faith in the dear Son of thy love, " in whom we have 
redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins ;" 
Oh ! God of mercy and of love, do for us and for all 
ours, as we believe Thou hast done for her. Be near 
to her bereaved partner and their only child ; lead them 
in the way they should go ; yea, lead them and us by 
thy counsel, and afterwards receive us to glory. " 

Were I to attempt again to write memoranda so 
frequently as in times past, matter would press upon 
me in recollection of the time that has passed unnoticed 
with the pen, but I hope remembered with gratitude to 
the God of my life. I should find it indeed difficult 
fully to set forth his goodness and his mercy in giving 
me ability during the past year, to leave home, (as I 
believe at his bidding,) to espouse, in my humble way, 
that cause which I love ; in inclining the heart of my 
beloved husband to accompany me, and in often re- 
freshing our hearts together amongst our friends, and in 
permitting us to return in safety to our family. And now 
that He has taken one of our beloved children to glory, 
may we trust in Him, and rely on his mercy, through 
Jesus Christ, to preserve those that remain ; to protect 
us individually, and carry us safely through this vale 
of tears, not suffering one of our number to miss of that 
salvation, which is in store for every believing, obedient 
soul. 



64 SELECTIONS PROM THE WRITINGS 

[[Sarah Knight was the daughter of Samuel Jesup 
by a former marriage. Her mother died when she 
was an infant, soon after which the care of her and her 
brother devolved upon the writer of these memo- 
randa, who watched the tender years of her interesting- 
charge with unremitting solicitude, and after her mar- 
riage no distinction w T as perceptible in her maternal 
affection between her own children and those of her 
deceased relative, thus adopted by her. The subjoined 
letter is a sweet proof of her tender regard for this 
" child of many prayers." *] 

Extract of a Letter to Sarah Knight. 

5th mo. 10th, 1828. 
May this little testimonial of my tender affection, 
my precious Sarah, find thee " rejoicing in hope, 
patient in tribulation, continuing instant in prayer." 
Yes, my dear, I am in the faith, that, even if increasing 
debility should be such as to preclude all hope of 
recovery, thou wilt be favoured to experience that 
strong consolation which is the privilege of those who 
have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before 
them, " which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, 
both sure and steadfast, and which entereth into that 
within the veil, whither the forerunner is for us 
entered, even Jesus, made an high priest for ever 
after the order of Melchizedec." Yet we know that 
many piously exercised minds, in the prospect of dis- 

* A Memoir of S. K. is inserted in the volume of " Memo- 
rials of Deceased Friends, by Susanna Corder." 



OF MARY JESUP. 65 

solution, have bad their faith at times tried to an 
hair's breadth ; they have been, as it were, in deep 
waters, so that they seemed scarcely able to cast 
anchor in the only place of safety. Such dispen- 
sations are, undoubtedly, wisely permitted, to teach 
poor man that he has nothing of his own to trust in, 
and that if he obtain salvation, it is of free, unmerited 
grace and mercy, through our great High Priest, " who 
hath obtained eternal redemption for us." Thou hast, 
my dear, been admirably favoured with ability to be 
" patient in tribulation ;" this we must believe is one 
of the fruits of the Spirit, attendant on the desire to be 
found " instant in prayer ;" and I do believe that He 
has been very merciful to thee, in gradually weaning 
thy affections from those things which his controversy 
is against. He who has made bare his holy arm 
for thy deliverance, will never leave thee nor forsake 
thee ; though for the trial of thy faith there may be 
times when He may see meet " to hide his face as for 
a moment," yet " with everlasting loving-kindness" 
will He remember thee as thou art reverently concerned 
to keep the word of his patience, and to say " Amen" 
to the most trying of his dispensations. I think thou wilt 
derive encouragement from reading the first chapter in 
the first Epistle of Peter, especially the first nine verses. 

9th mo. 13th, 1828. Again the rod of affliction has 
been held over us. May it produce the end designed 
by Him who " doth not afflict willingly, nor grieve the 
children of men." Our beloved Priscilla has had an 
attack of fever, which has left her much debilitated. 



66 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

Oh ! I feel how much I stand in need of such dispen- 
sations, in order to keep me from taking up a rest in 
created objects, and am ready to tremble lest we should 
be called upon to resign another dear member of our 
family : but, " Oh ! Father, let not a murmuring thought 
arise, keenly as such a separation would be felt. Only 
grant to her preparation through faith in the appointed 
means of salvation, I beseech thee ! " * 

10th mo. 8th, 1829. On the 29th of last month 
our precious Priscilla departed this life, in the comfort- 
able and unshaken hope of a glorious immortality. 
The remembrance of the solemn covering which was 
over our spirits during the last trying conflicts of 
nature, and the peaceful calm which was experienced 
by some of us in the anticipation of the near approach 
of that period, when the immortal spirit would be set 
free from its suffering tabernacle^ to be " for ever with 
the Lord," who had redeemed her by his blood, and 
given her faith in its efficacy, causes thankfulness — in- 
expressible thankfulness to Him who mercifully sup- 
ported us under the trial of separation, and during her 
bodily suffering ; enabling her, there is good reason to 
believe, steadily to keep her eye fixed upon the Saints' 
inheritance, and to trust in her Saviour as she passed 
through the valley of the shadow of death. " Oh ! my 
God, thou hast indeed dealt with me, not according to 
my deserts, but according to the multitude of thy mer- 
cies since I have been a mother. Thou hast afflicted 
our children, but I trust it has been, and will continue 

* See Memoir, &c. 



OF MARY JESUP. 67 

to be, to their profit. Oh! redeem, sanctify, and 
justify them all, remembering their mother and her 
affectionate husband for good, even for the salvation of 
our souls ; that without one exception we, as a family, 
may honour Thee, and glorify Thee, and the dear Son 
of thy love, the Lamb that was slain, through the end- 
less ages of eternity. Amen, saith my soul !" 

10th mo. 17th, 1830. A variety of occurrences 
have necessarily occupied my time, but the poor mind 
has been exceedingly active. In retrospect it has 
viewed the affecting scene which passed before our eyes 
on the 29th of 9th month in the last year. On the 
anniversary of that day the affectionate feelings were 
indeed brought into exercise in the recollection of what 
we have lost ! But gratitude and thankfulness are at 
times prevalent, in the hope that her immortal spirit is 
eternally at rest. And oh ! that those who are yet 
exposed to pain, to temptation, and to sorrow, may 
keep the word of his patience, who is able to carry us 
safely through the wilderness of this world, and bring 
us to a city of habitation. 

Our precious Martha^ now keeps the exercises of 
her mind pretty much in her own bosom. " Be thou 
pleased, dearest Father, to supply all her need, accord- 
ing to the riches of thy grace in Jesus Christ our 
Lord." 

2nd mo. 21st, 1831. On the 9th of 12th month, 
our precious Martha surrendered her spirit to Him who 
we believe had mercifully prepared it, and made it 

* See Memoir, &c. 



68 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

" meet for an inheritance amongst them who are 
sanctified." But oh ! the solemnity of that and the 
preceding day, when the dear sufferer was permitted at 
times to experience the hiding of his countenance, in 
whom she desired to trust. Still, mercy was extended to 
this diffident disciple, and unworthy as she felt herself, 
her expressions almost to the last bespoke that faith 
was in exercise, and with that eye she saw an entrance 
into the heavenly kingdom, exclaiming, "Can it be 
true? — The gate is open !" after which the spirit de- 
parted in unutterable peace. "Well may we exclaim, 
" Thanks be to God, who giveth us the victory, through 
our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ." 

1st mo. 7th, 1833. I have of late felt inclined again 
to record the merciful dealings of my Heavenly Father 
with my soul. I have been nearly sixty-three years a 
sojourner in this vale of tears; and though I continue 
to be such a frail, weak creature, I have within the 
last few months ■ had renewed cause for thankfulness, 
that, generally speaking, faith and hope have increased, 
and I have believed that some of the most humbling 
seasons of my life, in which my own infirmities have 
bowed me to the dust, were mercifully intended to 
teach me where only strength can be obtained to fight 
valiantly in the Christian's armour against my spiritual 
enemies; and thus often in seasons of conflict, when 
secret, ejaculatory prayers have been the only resource, 
my Saviour has proved a refuge from the storm, and 
" as the shadow of a mighty rock in a weary land." 
" Bless the Lord, O my soul ! and forget not all his 
benefits." 



OF MARY JESTJP. 69 

For several weeks I have not been able to bear the 
cold and damp air, and consequently have been much 
at home when Friends were assembled at meeting. 
How thankful I ought to feel, that on such occasions 
spent in endeavouring to draw near to the great object 
of divine worship, He has almost uniformly conde- 
scended more or less to refresh my spirit, and increase 
my faith in redeeming love and mercy, in the hope that 
the great work will be carried forward and perfected 
in our hearts by Him " who gave himself for us, that 
He might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto 
himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works." 
When I reflect that my dear husband has numbered 
more than seventy years, and that my own age is ad- 
vancing, we may reasonably anticipate the trial of 
separation from each other before long. It is not for 
me to conjecture who may first be taken ; but oh ! 
that I may have no will opposed to the divine will, 
and may those who are left be supported in humble, 
calm resignation. He who has been with us all our 
lives long, will not forsake us, unless we first forsake 
Him. Oh ! that He may condescend to support us in 
every future trial and conflict, and in his own good 
time, receive us in mercy, and put a new song into our 
mouths, even praises to our God and Saviour. 

3rd mo. 29th, 1835. Sixty-five years have I been a 
pilgrim in this probationary state. Increase of infir- 
mities loudly proclaims the uncertainty of much longer 
continuance here : and assuredly if the will of God be 
such, that the work may be cut short in righteousness, 
that is to say, that my earthly race may close at an 



70 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

early period, and the immortal part be prepared for an 
admittance into that rest which is prepared for the 
people of God, most gladly would I put off this taber- 
nacle, that the spirit should be for ever with the 
Lord. 

5th mo. 27th. (Written in pencil during her last 
illness.) Since last writing, a fresh attack of illness 
has been permitted, in which I have known little of 
abounding, but generally a portion of sweet tranquillity 
in committing myself into the Divine hand : and 
though I have very closely felt at times how bereaving 
to my dear husband and precious girl such a dispensa- 
tion would be, as that of my life terminating before 
theirs, yet I have had faith given me to believe that 
nothing will befal me or them, but what will work for 
good. 

Oh ! that those near and dear to me may be pre- 
served from listening to the " Lo ! here is Christ," or 
" Lo ! he is there," when so many are departing from 
their first love, and in some way making' shipwreck of 
their faith. 

For myself, whilst I feel utterly unworthy of so 
great salvation, I can believe that He who so loved the 
world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoso- 
ever believeth in Him should not perish, but have ever- 
lasting life, will graciously accept me in the awful day 
of account : He will grant remission of sins to a sin- 
cere humble believer in Christ Jesus, as the light of 
men, and the great and acceptable sacrifice for sin. 

^During the winter of 1834 — 5, the enfeebled health 
of this dear Friend had evidently declined, and she was 



OF MARY JESUP. Jl 

generally confined to the sofa ; her chest was much 
affected, and a cough which had long been very 
trying, increased ; but the sweetness of her countenance, 
and the peaceful serenity of her mind, were striking to 
those about her. The following expressions during her 
illness will further show the state of her mind in the 
prospect of dissolution.] 

6th mo. 26th. Soon after having raised blood, she 
said, " "What a mercy it is, that although the feeling 
was like suffocation, I w T as not in the least alarmed, 
feeling that it mattered not in what way the end might 
be permitted." 

28th. " I am favoured with uninterrupted quiet, 
and a hope which is as an anchor to the soul, both sure 
and steadfast ; but oh ! all boasting is excluded : — it is 
of unmerited mercy." 

30th. It is wonderful how my affectionate feel- 
ings now seem hushed. I often think of the passage, 
" I know in whom I have believed, and I am per- 
suaded that He is able to keep that which I have com- 
mitted to Him against that day." 

7th mo. 5th. Keep close to the Refuge, then hard 
things will be made easy, and bitter things sweet : — 
there will be many a pang' — it is a penalty of human 
nature for transgression : but if that is removed by our 
Heavenly Father, through the death of his Son, what 
a mercy it will be ! — Oh ! I do feel that my hope rests 
upon it, but I want to feel more spiritual vigour, more 
love and gratitude." 

13th. I feel so incapable of lifting up my heart — 
such a very poor thing. Not that I am discouraged, 



72 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

but such dispensations are very humiliating. I 
believe the end will make up for all such dreary feel- 
ings. — To her daughter — and the same power that 
will protect me, will preserve and protect thee and thy 
dear father. 

17th. After having been tried with desertion, she 
was enabled vocally to supplicate nearly as follows : 
" Oh ! thou high and Holy One, permit me to approach 
thy sacred footstool on behalf of my unworthy self and 
my near connexions. Oh ! strengthen our faith, so 
that in the hour of trial we may submit to thy will, 
and speak well of thy Holy Name." 

21st. To her daughter, with a smile, "I feel so 
comfortable, — through favour, so perfectly comfortable." 
And soon after, " When the end rightly comes, how 
sweet it will be; — to join the just of all generations, 
how sweet it will be." 

24th. " I think I shall not make my escape quite 
so soon as I had anticipated, — I must expect more 
feverish days and nights yet." Speaking of a dear 
absent relative, " She may rejoice when she hears that 
the work is cut short." 

25th. Alluding to the low time she passed through 
about a week since, " When we are low and dis- 
mayed, we must try to take fast hold of the Comforter. 
I feel very thankful for this humiliating dispensation. 
I doubt not all will work together for good. What an 
inexpressible difference in the feeling when the poor 
mind is shut up in darkness, and when it is filled with 
thankfulness." 

29th. How sweet it would be if I could hope im- 



OP MARY JESUP. 73 

mortality was near at hand. I hope patience will 
have its perfect work. I never felt as I do now. 

30th. This morning the dear invalid was very 
weak, and nearly fainted on being moved in bed ; soon 
after which she clasped her daughter's hand, saying, 
" The Lord bless thee, and keep thee, be thy everlast- 
ing reward, and thy portion for ever." 

31st. She seemed a little revived, and inquired of a 
dear relative if she thought it would be long before the 
close; being answered in the negative, she replied, " If 
I conld take thy view, nothing would cheer me so 
much." 

8th mo. 1st. This last night Was a very trying one, 
but in the morning the fever had greatly subsided, and 
she was afterwards sweetly quiet, looking cheerful and 
serene, and appeared glad to be surrounded by her 
family, whom she noticed affectionately. She took leave 
of each of them about three in the afternoon, after which 
for a few hours she was rather restless, when she again 
became calm and composed, her respiration gradually 
shortening till about eleven, when, without apparent 
suffering, her spirit was released from the shackles of 
mortality, and, adopting the words of the Monthly 
Meeting's testimony, " is, we believe, through redeem- 
ing mercy, entered into eternal rest." 



74 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 



Advice on various religious and moral Subjects, in a 
Letter to two of M. J.'s Daughters, on their leaving 
Home for School. 



My dear Children, 

In the anticipation of your leaving home, I have closely 
examined my own heart, in order to discover whether 
or not I have acted the part of a parent towards you, 
as it relates to the exercise of suitable care in endea- 
vouring to form your moral and religious character; 
desirous as I am that the important trust reposed in 
me may be faithfully discharged, so as to be comparable 
to preparing the way of the Lord in the hearts of those 
J love. 

I believe that my dear children, from the eldest to 
the youngest, are aware of my solicitude for their pre- 
servation from evil, and their belief in, and acquaint- 
ance with that power — that quickening Spirit, which 
alone can cleanse the heart, and make them willing to 
take up their daily cross, and follow a crucified 
Saviour in the path of self-denial, that so they may be- 
come his disciples. 



OP MARY JESUP. 



75 



You have not, I trust, forgotten the opportunities 
we have had together in seasons of retirement, when 
you have occasionally been my attendants, while other 
parts of the family have been at meeting ; when I have 
wrestled for a blessing upon the absent, and endea- 
voured to impress upon the minds of those who were 
my companions, the necessity of giving diligence to 
make your calling and election sure. 

Have you not been convinced of my fervent desire, 
that you may in deed and in truth know " the only true 
God, and Jesus Christ whom He hath sent ? " 

I am deeply sensible of my inability to do justice to 
that cause which I wish to espouse ; yet when I con- 
sider in what a responsible situation a mother is 
placed, it seems an incumbent duty to revive in your 
remembrance now you are absent, the concern which I 
have felt, and hope I always shall feel, for your esta- 
blishment on the sure foundation — the Rock of Ages. 

Remember, my children, that " other foundation can 
no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ ;" 
that you may be enabled to build thereon, is what I 
fervently desire may be your individual experience. 

The fear of handling holy things unseasonably and 
unskilfully, often seals my lips when my heart is full, 
but I may safely tell you in that love which surpasses 
the ties of natural affection, that my heart's desire and 
prayer for you is that you may become acquainted 
with that Teacher who teacheth as never man taught. 
Then will you be convinced that " without holiness no 
man can see the Lord," and that holiness can only be 
produced by the operation of his Spirit upon the heart, 

e 2 



7^ SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

" whose fan is in his hand, and he will thoroughly purge 
his. floor, and gather his wheat into the garner, but he 
will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire." This, 
and many other similes which are to be met with in the 
Holy Scriptures, will be opened to your understanding, 
so as to convince you of the necessity of submission to 
the refining power of that Spirit, which, as it is suffered 
to do its office, will " make a separation between the 
precious and the vile." 

The great object of my solicitude is, that my chil- 
dren may be favoured to distinguish the difference be- 
tween being nominal professors of the Christian name, 
and real possessors of faith in Christ : for " whatsoever 
is born of God overcometh the world ; and this is the 
victory that overcometh the world, even our faith." 
" Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that be- 
lieveth that Jesus is the Son of God," and that " He 
was manifested to take away our sins." 

How many, alas ! are to be met with among the 
various professors of Christianity, not excepting our 
own religious society, who seem to consider themselves 
in a safe state if they do justice between man and man, 
assemble at stated times in a customary way for the 
professed purpose of performing divine worship, and are 
exemplary in their moral character : but it is possible 
to get thus far on our way, and yet be entire strangers 
to that change of heart — that new birth — without 
which we are assured a man cannot see the kingdom of 
God. We must be born of God before we can over- 
come the world, and serve Him in " newness of spirit." 
It is therefore of the utmost importance that we 



OF MARY JESUP. 77 

seriously attend to the exhortation which was given by 
the Apostle Paul to the Corinthians, " Examine 
yourselves whether ye be in the faith ; prove your 
own selves ; know ye not your own selves, that Jesus 
Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates." If upon a 
strict scrutiny, it should be found by any that their 
actions and general conduct have not been regulated by 
the Spirit of truth ; that they have sought the approba- 
tion of their fellow-mortals, while they have been too 
little concerned for the glory of God ; such a discovery 
should lead to deep self-abasement, and a desire to ex- 
perience the " washing of regeneration, and renewing of 
the Holy Ghost." 

I will endeavour to explain this to your present 
capacity : for instance, it is possible that the conduct 
of children may appear orderly and obliging, and even 
amiable, and yet with dispositions that may endear 
them to their care-takers, and render them agreeable to 
their associates, their hearts may not be right in 
the sight of Him who knows whether they " love the 
praise of men more than the praise of God." Let this 
consideration, my beloved children, act as a stimulus to 
excite you to " watch and pray that ye enter not into 
temptation ;" and that " whether ye eat or drink, or 
whatsoever ye do, ye may do all to the glory of God." 
Accustom yourselves to examine your motives for 
action. Do you "love the Lord your God with all 
your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and 
with all your strength ? " If you do you will earnestly 
desire to do always those things that please Him ; you 
will fear to offend Him by indulging in vain and idle 



78 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

thoughts ; and you will seek for preservation from any- 
unguarded expression or unallowable action, (even 
though no mortal should be witness to such an offence,) 
agreeably to the language of our blessed Lord, " If ye 
love me, keep my commandments. 5 ' 

But how are we to govern our thoughts ? perhaps you 
may inquire. I answer, this I am convinced can never 
be done acceptably without divine assistance. Alas ! 
if so, how can a child expect this? maybe the de- 
sponding language of your hearts. Take courage, my 
children. Remember the gracious words of the dear 
Redeemer, " Suffer little children, and forbid them not 
to come unto me." " Yerily, verily, I say unto you, 
"Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, He 
will give it you." Wait then in reverential silence, not 
only in religious meetings, but in retirement ; the first 
thing in the morning, during a pause after family read- 
ing, and at night when about to prepare for your 
repose, for ability to ask aright — to pray in living faith, 
A capacity to get into this watchful waiting state is 
granted to seeking souls, even amongst our youth. 
Not only at times set apart for religious retirement, but 
frequently when engaged in their usual occupations, or 
in social intercourse with their friends, their hearts will 
be lifted up to the great Discerner of our thoughts, in 
prayer for preservation. This state of mind is what I 
suppose is included in the solemn injunction, " Pray 
without ceasing." Oh that you may be able to com- 
prehend what this means, by precious experience. 

I know that no rules which the most affectionate 
parents can lay down can confer divine grace upon the 



OF MARY JESUP. 79 

objects of their solicitude ; but I believe that a blessing 
is often vouchsafed to their pious endeavours to bring 
up their children " in the nurture and admonition of the 
Lord :" and I am encouraged to hope that the Father of 
mercies will in his own time " reveal his Son" in each 
of your hearts, and convince you of your need of a 
Saviour, a Redeemer, to cleanse and purify you, and 
make you " meet to be partakers of the inheritance of 
the saints in light." 

When minds are first enlightened so as to discern 
their utter incapacity to do any good thing, and their 
sad propensity to evil, it is a painful and an humbling 
discovery ! But this is the natural state of every son 
and daughter of Adam. How then can we be suffici- 
ently thankful for that mercy which is so eminently 
displayed in the redemption of man ? " God so loved 
the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that 
whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have 
everlasting life." " For there is none other name under 
heaven, given amongst men, whereby we must be 
saved." But as " He is able to save them to the very 
uttermost who come unto God by him, seeing he ever 
liveth to make intercession for them," there is abundant 
reason to "thank God and take courage," seeing there is 
a medium by which we may be favoured with access to 
the throne of grace. For " the Spirit also helpeth our in- 
firmities ; for we know not what we should pray for as 
we ought, but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us 
with groanings that cannot be uttered." What a con- 
solation it is to believe this, when the poor mind is in such 
a state of weakness. As there is a waiting for Divine 



80 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

assistance, a capacity is sometimes afforded to cast all 
our care upon Him who knows what we have need of 
before we ask Him ; and we are enabled with the eye of 
faith, to " behold the Lamb of God which taketh away 
the sin of the world," as our only Mediator, who will 
" cast out" none that yield to the drawing cords of the 
Father's love. But be it ever remembered, that we 
cannot work out the salvation of our souls in our own 
way and time; it is therefore incumbent on us all to 
mind the day of our visitation ; for our blessed Lord 
declares " No man can come unto me, except the Father 
which hath sent me draw him." Hence the necessity 
of yielding to the gracious invitations of your heavenly 
Father, when He is pleased to break in upon your 
spirits ; humbling and tendering your minds, and rais- 
ing in your hearts desires after Himself. It is in such 
favoured seasons, that an inquiry similar to this is ex- 
cited, " "What shall I do that I may work the works of 
God ? " The reply to this interesting query stands 
recorded on the sacred page : " This is the work of God, 
that ye believe on Him whom He hath sent." May 
your faith, hope, and trust be strong in this merciful 
Redeemer, " who gave himself for us, that He might 
redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a 
peculiar people, zealous of good works." The power to 
perform these good works in a right spirit can be de- 
rived only from Him who told his disciples, when he 
was about to be offered up for the sins of the world, 
" It is expedient for you that I go away ; for if I go not 
away, the Comforter will not come unto you ; but if I 
depart, I will send him unto you : and when he is 



OF MARY JESUP. 81 

come, he will reprove the world of sin, of righteousness, 
and of judgment," &c. ; and again, " When He, the 
Spirit of truth is come, he will guide you into all 
truth," was the declaration of our blessed Lord. To 
this unerring guide and reprover I would direct your 
attention : centre to this precious gift, mercifully vouch- 
safed as a swift witness against every idle word, which 
we are assured must be given account of in the day of 
judgment. If this be your care, you will indeed be 
preserved in the fear of the Lord, which is declared to 
be "a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of 
death." 

But if, after having been favoured with a portion of 
light which may have manifested the hidden things of 
darkness, a thoughtless and careless disposition of mind 
is suffered to prevail ; there will be a danger of losing 
the precious sense of the savour of life, and with it the 
capacity to discern between good and evil. How 
much then is it our duty and our interest, when per- 
mitted to feel that our heavenly Father is graciously 
disposed to draw us nearer to Himself, to accept of 
that salvation which He is offering to all those who re- 
ceive the Son of his love, in the way of his coming ; 
even Ci as a refiner and purifier of silver ; and he shall 
purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and 
silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering 
in righteousness." 

I am aware that some of these remarks may not just 
at present be fully comprehended ; but I wish you to 
preserve these sheets as the "Fruits of a Mother's 

e 3 



82 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

love." Read them again and again, and if as you 
grow in years you are favoured to grow in religious 
experience (or in Scripture language) to " grow in 
grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour 
Jesus Christ," these hints may be clearly understood, 
illustrated by that Teacher who can make wise the 
simple, and supply all the deficiencies of those, who, 
in attempting to unfold the mystery of godliness, 
are deeply sensible that they can by no means of 
themselves do justice to such an exalted theme. I 
earnestly recommend to you the important duty of read- 
ing the Holy Scriptures, not only in seasons set apart 
for family reading, but in daily retirement ; at the same 
time seeking to pray that they may be so opened to 
your understanding, as to make you wise unto salva- 
tion, through faith which is in Christ Jesus. I would 
also strongly recommend to you the frequent and 
serious perusal of Friends' writings ; for the experience 
of those who have witnessed the conflict between nature 
and grace, and have happily come off more than con- 
querors, through Him that loved them, may afford 
encouragement to others who are exercised in the like 
warfare. The more you accustom yourselves to serious 
reading, the greater inclination you will have for it ; 
whereas if the practice be neglected, it will become 
irksome and insipid. I do not wish to confine religious 
reading solely to the Scriptures and the writings of 
Friends. There are valuable and interesting works, 
written by persons of experimental piety, which are 
calculated to convince the reader, that " of a truth God is 



OP MARY JESUP. 83 

no respecter of persons ; but in every nation those that 
fear Him, and work righteousness, are accepted of 
Him." 

In reading accounts of pious individuals of different 
religious denominations, we are taught one important 
lesson : that though they may have formed different 
opinions on some points of doctrine, yet all agree in 
this, that the Holy Spirit must work a change in the 
natural man before he can stand approved in the sight 
of a Being of infinite purity; and that self must be 
renounced and laid in the dust, that Christ may be all 
and in all. 

Having thus expressed my solicitude that my dear 
children may experience the work of religion to be car- 
ried on in their hearts, I conclude this part with an 
earnest recommendation that they "give diligence to 
make their calling and election sure." 

I now propose making a few remarks on conduct and 
conversation. It will be observed that the preceding 
observations relate entirely to religious subjects ; and I 
am aware that those who are under the influence of 
religious principle, will witness its regulating power in 
their moral conduct ; for "every good tree bringeth forth 
good fruit :" yet some hints and remarks may possibly 
operate as a watchword, from an affectionate parent to 
her beloved charge. It is our duty at all times and on 
all occasions, to have an eye to the glory of God ; and 
strict Watchfulness is necessary when in company, lest 
we should make work for repentance by unguarded 
conversation. Innocent cheerfulness may safely be 
cherished, but care should be taken to avoid everything 



84 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

bordering on levity. Tale-bearing and detraction should 
be carefully avoided. How often is an absent person 
lessened in the esteem of those who are but slightly 
acquainted with her by the thoughtless remarks which 
are too frequently circulated in company ; perhaps 
without any decided intention to depreciate ; but, as a 
certain writer expresses it, " from thoughtlessness, and 
a desire to say something." 

In instances where there really may have been occa- 
sion given for observing defects in our friends, we are 
not justified in exposing them, by publishing their 
faults ; and we should always bear in mind, that we are 
very incompetent to judge of the actions of others ; 
therefore, while we carefully avoid those failings 
which we disapprove in our neighbour, we should ac- 
custom ourselves to construe their conduct in the most 
favourable manner. If w T e know it to have been actu- 
ally blameable, it should never be mentioned to another, 
unless with the view to clear the innocent, or guard others 
against the danger of a pernicious example, except to a 
judicious friend, which might open the way for the of- 
fender to be admonished in the spirit of meekness. 

I wish also to caution you against forming hasty 
conclusions respecting character. Some persons are apt 
to be excessively pleased, or disgusted, with those to 
whom they are introduced, at the first interview ; but 
experience proves that very erroneous impressions are 
acquired in this way. Young persons are especially 
liable to fall into this error : they go into the company 
of their friends, perhaps with a disposition to please 
and to be pleased, but meeting with persons apparently 



OF MARY JESUP. 



85 



reserved and unsociable, they attribute such deport- 
ment to pride and self-importance ; whereas it not un- 
frequently happens that diffidence has in reality pro- 
duced the appearance of shyness, and after a longer 
acquaintance, dispositions far more amiable have been 
discovered, than in some whose manners, at first sight, 
were more prepossessing. Hence the propriety of sus- 
pending an opinion, and still more, the expression of 
it, until sufficient opportunity has been afforded to 
form a correct judgment of the dispositions of those 
with whom we associate. These cautions may not, at 
first sight, appear to be of so much importance as they 
really are. I am persuaded, that though well-disposed 
minds m«y, at times, be so far off their guard as to join 
in remarks which have a tendency to place an absent 
person in an unamiable point of view, it is a practice^ 
that we ought most carefully to avoid. Read the 
praises of charity, Corinthians i., from the 4th to 7th 
verses. 

The next subject to which I would affectionately 
call your attention, is the proper government of the na- 
tural temper. On this depends much of the comfort or 
disquietude of domestic life. Remember, my dear 
girls, that " a meek and quiet spirit is, in the sight of 
God, of great price." 

Some persons plead the defect of their natural tem- 
per as an excuse for rendering their nearest connexions 
and associates uncomfortable; seeming to forget that 
this, like all other infirmities of our nature, may be 
controlled by watchfulness and prayer. Children edu- 
cated in habits of obedience and condescension, it may 



OO SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

be hoped, will feel no very strong temptations to vary 
therefrom ; yet we see painful instances of want of 
due care to cultivate mutual forbearance in domestic 
life. In families where there are several young persons 
of different dispositions and pursuits, occasions will 
arise when they cannot avoid thinking differently ; let 
a watchful care nevertheless be maintained, that no 
altercation be encouraged which may have a tendency 
to lessen that cordiality and affectionate attachment 
which ought to subsist between children of one fa- 
mily. 

Domestic economy is a subject of too much import- 
ance to be passed by unnoticed. It is right, even for 
persons in affluence, to pay attention thereto, in order to 
prevent any waste of property, which, if rightly ap- 
plied, would supply the wants of the indigent ; but for 
those whose dependence is solely on the success of 
trade, it is essentially necessary for heads of families, 
and for their children, to be industrious and economical 
in their habits, apparel, and general expenditure. 

With regard to activity in household concerns, it has 
never been in your mother's power to set you such an 
example as her station in life required ; having been 
obliged to employ servants in offices which, if in health, 
she would gladly have performed herself : so that, if 
you should be favoured with a larger share of that in- 
estimable blessing, you must accustom yourselves to 
such habits of industry, as may be conducive to your 
own improvement ; and perfect acquaintance with do- 
mestic concerns. 

I feel anxious, that in whatever station you may be 



OF MARY JESUP. 87 

placed, you may be enabled to act a suitable part, per- 
forming your respective duties with propriety. 

Let your expenses be circumscribed by prudence; 
carefully avoid those that are unnecessary and unprofit- 
able. Remember, that trifling sums saved, accumulate 
and become valuable to ourselves or others ; but 
I would strictly caution you against a hoarding, 
avaricious disposition. According to your ability, 
be always willing to make suitable compensation for 
any services that may be rendered you ; and whenever 
the poor are employed, let them be paid as liberally as 
is consistent with the customs of the place; for it is an 
act of greater charity to employ those who are in health, 
and to pay them suitably, than to give them money 
without employment. 

Endeavour, by making little personal sacrifices, to do 
something towards comforting and relieving the sick 
and afflicted. By early rising, and other methods 
of economizing time, opportunities may be found to 
visit them, or occasionally to work for the helpless, 
&c. 

Persons of limited means see much distress, which it 
is not in their power personally to relieve ; but it is not 
easy to calculate on the means to help which are often 
afforded to an obscure individual, by using her influ- 
ence with her more affluent neighbours, and making 
known to them cases of distress which have fallen under 
her observation. 

Be particularly cautious that you indulge in nothing 
that is superfluous, that you may have something more 
to give to those that need. And here I would advert 



88 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

to that simplicity in apparel, which I much desire that 
you may be preserved in. Let your dress be regulated 
by simplicity, convenience, and economy — it is neces- 
sary to do this, in the first place, to control a disposi- 
tion to vanity, which would adorn the frail tabernacle 
that " to-day is," and to-morrow may be deprived of 
the spirit which animates it ! and secondly, that by 
avoiding extravagance you may be able to spare a little 
to relieve the afflicted. 

Writing this, revives afresh in my recollection 
some of the scruples which I felt in very early life, 
when I had a stated allowance for my own expenses. 
How often, when inclination prompted me to purchase 
an article, which might he spared, or of a quality more 
expensive than was really necessary to insure its dura- 
bility, have I felt a secret check in my mind, which, as 
it was attended to, afforded peaceful satisfaction, and 
furnished me with a few pence, or shillings, for the ne- 
cessitous. On the contrary, painful remorse has been 
my portion, when inclination has overruled my better 
judgment, and unnecessary expense been indulged in, 
which has lessened the ability to assist the distressed. 

May you, my children, attend to the reproofs of in- 
struction, on this and every other occasion. Take heed 
that your minds be not unallowably occupied in atten- 
tion to your personal appearance : be cautious of adopt- 
ing the changing fashions of the times, except where 
real improvement and convenience happen to be intro- 
duced ; and even then, for the sake of example, be not 
hasty in conforming to prevailing customs. 

Be careful to avoid a censorious disposition towards 



OP MARY JESUP. «y 

those who may indulge themselves in greater liberties 
than are consistent with our self-denying principles — 
instruct such by your circumspect conduct and de- 
meanour. If you are preserved in true humility, you 
will not think highly of yourselves, in consequence of 
attention to the rules of our society, or of any conduct 
that you may judge to be acceptable to God or man. 

Pride, in any degree, or self-complacency, which is a 
species of pride, is opposite both to the spirit and pre- 
cepts of our holy religion. If you live in the spirit of 
the gospel, you will cherish those admonitions of the 
Apostle, " Be not high-minded but fear;" "Let him 
that think eth he standeth take heed lest he fall;" " In 
lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than 
themselves. " 

The preceding has been written at many different 
times, and is concluded the 6th of 3rd mo. 1820, by 
Your very affectionate Mother, 

Mary Jesup. 



Extract from a Letter from Mary Jesup to her youngest 
Daughter Martha, whilst at School, on the right direc- 
tion of the Mind in religious Meetings. 

7th of 3rd mo. 1824. 

After mentioning the improvement in her daughter's 
health, and some other circumstances, M. J. proceeds — 
" The privilege of attending the monthly meeting has 
not, I hope been lost upon thee. Thou hast, my dear 
girl, many privileges at school — that of sitting under a. 



90 SELECTIONS PROM THE WRITINGS 

true gospel ministry is not one of the least. Happy 
will it be for those, who whilst sensible of the value of a 
living ministry, are not placing their dependance on any 
outward means, in order to obtain religious instruction. 
May my children be favoured to know the value of 
silence in our religious meetings, that true inward si- 
lence in which they can place themselves in the pre- 
sence of the great Searcher of hearts, desiring to be 
taught of Him ; and that the meditations of their hearts 
may be acceptable in his sight. How many are the 
impediments which too often obstruct this profitable 
and acceptable silence in our religious gatherings; 
whilst deeply exercised Friends are mentally offering 
up their petitions at the throne of grace, it is to be 
feared that great indifference and insensibility some- 
times prevail in some minds present. Perhaps previous 
to the meeting time, scarcely a serious thought of our 
duty to the Great Object of worship has been cherished ; 
and when seated with others in outward silence, the 
wandering thoughts go from one subject to another, re- 
calling past occurrences, or anticipating future enjoy- 
ments or employments, instead of turning the whole 
attention to the Saviour of men, endeavouring to look 
unto Him for instruction, for light to enlighten our 
naturally dark hearts, and for a capacity to worship 
acceptably Him in whom we " live, and move, and have 
our being." Mayst thou, my dear M., seek after Him, 
if haply thou mayst find Him, for " He is not far from 
every one of us." 

Cultivate a disposition to meditate on the Divine 
attributes, out of meetings as well as in meetings ; the 



OP MARY JESUP. 



91 



purity, the power, the goodness, and the mercy of the 
Lord to the children of fallen Adam. How awful 
would have been our situation, if there were no means 
of obtaining pardon and forgiveness of sins! What 
then ought to be our feelings of gratitude and thankful- 
ness to the God of our lives, that " He was in Christ, 
reconciling the world unto himself;" not to accept any 
of us whilst we continue enemies to Him by wicked 
works ; but as a merciful Father, He is extending his 
compassion to every returning prodigal, to every one 
who sighs for redemption and remission of sins, and who 
has faith to believe in Jesus Christ as the only Medi- 
ator and Redeemer, whose blood cleanseth from all 
sin; and his Spirit sanctifies the hearts of those who 
yield to its blessed influence; but the self-righteous 
who are not humbled under a sense of their own un- 
worthiness, are never likely to apply acceptably to the 
Physician of value to heal the wounds which sin and 
transgression have made. 

If I have written in a style rather beyond thy pre- 
sent comprehension, I will endeavour in a simple way to 
illustrate these remarks so as to be clear to thy youth- 
ful understanding. Are there not times when thou art 
aware that it is thy duty to wait upon thy Creator, 
and to turn from all trifling conversation, &c. and yet 
it is so contrary to thy natural inclination to do this, 
that sometimes the latter prevails ? For instance, on a 
first-day, when a religious book has been in thy hand, 
perhaps, instead of reading it with that serious attention 
which would strengthen some pious resolution, and tend 
to edification, it may have been too thoughtlessly pe- 



92 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

rused, while the attention has been diverted by some 
frivolous discourse ; and then afterwards, at meeting, the 
poor mind has not been in a state to " draw nigh to 
God;" on the contrary, a sense of having fallen short 
in the performance of duty previously, has so unfitted 
thee for the solemn duty of serving the Lord acceptably 
even in meeting, that instead of feeling love to Him 
as a merciful Father, it may have seemed like a task 
to spend the time allotted for divine worship in silence, 
and thus the mind may not have been refreshed. An 
experience like this is what many have to mourn over ; 
and though all this may occur and be scarcely known 
to any mortal, yet our Holy Head and High Priest wit- 
nesses the coldness of our affections ; and if we are honest 
to ourselves we must be aware that there is a cause for 
all this. We do not love the Lord our God with all 
our hearts. How then can we hope to be accepted of Him ? 
In this simple statement I suppose that almost every 
child can read his own experience at some time to 
which he can refer. And is not this sufficient to 
humble creatures who ought to have no will opposed 
to the Divine will ? Let it have that effect ; and may 
the secret prayer of the heart, under a feeling of such 
propensity, be, " Lord ! be merciful to me, a sinner." 

May the witness for God, which He has placed in 
thy heart, and which I believe has been striving with 
thee from a little child, so open things clearly to thy 
view, that thou mayst be convinced, from what passes 
in the secret of thy soul, that thou hast need of a Sa- 
viour and Redeemer, to bring thee into a state of ac- 
ceptance, and by his mighty power to subject the will s 



OP MARY JESUP. 93 

and bring every thought into captivity to the obedi- 
ence of Christ. 

I had no thought of covering more than two pages of 
one sheet, when I began ; but I feel my heart enlarged 
while I write, in desire that my precious child, who, I 
have reason to hope has been much preserved from evil 
in her outward conduct, may be enlightened to discover 
the secret snares which are laid to prevent even such 
from becoming what they ought to be — I mean, obedi- 
ent children to their heavenly Father. I think thou 
art, at times, desirous of being delivered from every- 
thing which is offensive in his sight : then, be careful 
not to suffer thy mind to be occupied with trifles in re- 
ligious meetings. "Watch and pray against this temp- 
tation, and every other; and mayst thou be favoured 
to know the voice of the true Shepherd, who gave his 
life for the sheep. If this be thy experience, and thou 
follow him, He will give unto thee eternal life, and no 
man shall pluck thee out of his holy hand. Read 
this, my dear, when thou art alone ; when thou canst 
enter into the importance of the subject ; and may the 
spirit of supplication be afforded thee to pray for preser- 
vation through time, and preparation for an admittance 
into that rest which is prepared for the people of God, 
when thy spirit shall quit its present tabernacle. Fare- 
well, my much-loved child : may the blessing of the 
Highest rest upon thee and all ours ! 

Thy tenderly attached Mother, 

M. Jesup. 



94 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

EXTRACTS FROM LETTERS. 

To her Daughter Priscilla, 17th of 9th mo. 1828. 

For thy encouragement I may acknowledge that I have 
not been permitted to doubt, for a length of time, that 
thy mind has been preciously visited, and that the 
drawing cords of the heavenly Father s love have been 
experienced, to draw and gather thee to Christ Jesus, 
in his spiritual appearance in the heart. And what 
were his words when personally among men? — " No man 
can come unto me, except the Father which hath sent 
me, draw him ; " and he then graciously adds, " Him 
that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out." We 
are not to wait till we have made ourselves worthy to 
approach Him who is " the Way, the Truth, and the 
Life ; " but in humility and abasedness of soul, when 
the call is heard, or the divine drawings are felt, to 
yield thereto obedience. " Draw me and I will run 
after thee," is the acceptable language. 

How often are desires felt, and resolutions made; but- 
then the adversary of souls steps in, not perhaps with 
any formidable temptation, lest he should be discovered, 
but with some secret insinuation, either to exalt or to 
depress the poor mind, and cause it to despair of "saving- 
help ; but, dearest P., believe him not ; "he was a liar 
from the beginning." There is assuredly a power able 
and willing to deliver thee, and all that trust in Him, 
from the cruel enemy's baits and snares. I do indeed 
rejoice with thee that thy spirit has been refreshed, 



OF MARY JESUP. 95 

and thy faith increased, through the instrumentality of 
those who have been led to hand the word of encourage- 
ment. It is a very precious sentence in thy note, written 
under feelings of gratitude to Him who engaged the hearts 
of thy friends to feel for and with thee, namely, " Oh, may 
I be sufficiently careful to evince my love by my obe- 
dience ; but I feel such a fear of going too forward, and 
thereby marring the work." With respect to any 
active movement this care is most necessary, and can- 
not be too great if the will be surrendered to be and to 
do exactly what is required, neither more nor less : but 
as regards passive obedience, we are in no danger. All 
that the Christian traveller has to do, is to be very 
diligent to keep his eye upon his guide ; while he has 
the light, to wait in it, and (as our precious Sarah said) 
" he that believeth anything to be unclean, to him it is 
unclean :" therefore, even in little things, if a secret 
uneasiness be felt respecting anything we have been in 
the habit of saying, doing, thinking, or wearing, it is 
unsafe to continue in the indulgence of it. Whatever 
it may be, simple obedience, in the strength that has 
been prayed for, and which may be mercifully vouch- 
safed, proves the means of strengthening the feeble tra- 
veller : and as such are given up to be as passive clay 
in the hands of the great Potter, the vessel is prepared 
for usefulness ; and whether it be in a public or private 
capacity, it will equally produce peace of mind. It 
will not do to reason in this way, "If I do this, or 
make such an alteration, I shall be thought better than 
I am f or " It. may be supposed I wish to be thought 
highly of." I believe that many have kept behind 



96 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

their guide, and never made such advances in the high 
and holy way as their gracious Master intended, by 
thus reasoning. Instead of this, to obey from the heart 
is the only way to make progress ; and to keep the 
heart with all diligence, lest the unwearied assailant of 
our happiness lay his baits in another disguise, and 
tempt the individual to think highly of himself, as if 
he had done a meritorious act. This is a snare which 
cannot be too carefully guarded against. Thankful- 
ness — humble thankfulness — ought to be the covering 
of our minds, when divine grace has strengthened us to 
make any surrender : but if we withhold the sacrifice, 
whatever it may be, lest a wrong spirit should after- 
wards creep in, we shall assuredly mar the Lord's work, 
who is calling for unreserved dedication. Now is the 
accepted time, whenever his will is made known. Oh ! 
what an unspeakable mercy to the poor soul, when 
faith is in exercise, that we can do all things through 
Christ, who strengthened the willing and obedient. 
Lean upon him, my precious P., and not to thy own 
understanding, nor to the many fears and doubts which 
arise in the mind. Do the present best ; be watchful, 
be vigilant, and He who gave his own Son for the re- 
demption of thy soul, will, with Him, give thee all things 
that are necessary to perfect the work which He has 
graciously begun in thy heart. 

Accept my warmest wishes for thy preservation and 
progress in the path of duty. You are indeed the chil- 
dren of many prayers ; but whether of such prayers as 
arise with acceptance before the throne of grace, and 
prove availing, is known only to the great Searcher of 



OP MARY JESTJP. 97 

hearts, whose I am, and whom I desire, frail as I am, 
to serve. 

Farewell, most affectionately, 

thy attached Mother, 
M. J. 



To the Same, on going from home, 12th of 11th mo, 1828, 

In a few words I would express the hope I feel, that 
no change of scene, or change of company, may be per- 
mitted in any degree to dissipate that perception of the 
divine requiring respecting thee in the minutest in- 
stance, with which, at seasons, merciful condescension 
has favoured thy mind. Take with thee thy little 
Testament, or, if thou prefer it, my portable Bible is 
quite at thy service, and beware of relaxing in the im- 
portant duty of watching unto prayer. It is not so 
easy to be regular in giving up a certain time for retire- 
ment when from home, but be watchful to embrace 
opportunities which may present; then if returning 
health continue and increase, thy spiritual strength will 
increase also, and thou wilt not be an ungrateful 
receiver of the manifold grace of God. I need not 
particularize — thy Teacher is near, and graciously 
affording instruction, as thou art able to bear it. He 
will never leave thee, nor forsake thee, unless thou first 
leave Him. If life be prolonged, my faith is firm, 
that thou wilt be enabled to become, at least, an exem- 
plary member of our Society. But if in the ordering 
of his wisdom, who doeth all things well, a very 

F 



98 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

lengthened stay in this world of probation should not 
be apportioned thee, what an unspeakable consolation 
would it be to thy mind in seasons of weakness, to 
believe (to use thy own words) that thou hadst "not 
been building on the sand." The most prepared will 
certainly have nothing to boast of, but oh ! how much 
to be thankful for, while all boasting is excluded. The 
language will be in self-abasement and humility, It 
is by the grace of God I am what I am. 

Most affectionately farewell, 
M. J. 



To the Same, when an Invalid at home, 25th of 3rd mo. 
1829. 

Seldom as I speak to thee, my beloved, upon spiri- 
tual subjects, the secret and almost constant travail of 
my spirit is, that in times of serious indisposition, when 
even thought is wearisome, thou mayst be enabled to 
take comfort, by casting all thy care upon Him who 
assuredly careth for thee; and though thou mayst be 
at times deeply tried, because thou mayst seem to thy- 
self to seek Him whom thy soul loveth, and not find 
Him, yet be not dismayed ; only believe, and " He that 
shall come, will come, and will not tarry." " If we 
hope for that we see not, then do we with patience 
wait for it." Do not distress thyself because thou canst 
not fix thy thoughts on things eternal, but in the simpli- 
city of a little child, commit thyself to the care and keep- 
ing of Him who died for thee, and rose again ; humbly 



OF MARY JESUP. 99 

seeking for pardoning mercy through his blood, and 
complete sanctification through submission to the 
operation of the Holy Spirit in thy heart. If this, my 
dearest P., be mercifully granted, (which I have faith 
to believe will be the case,) how comparatively light 
will be the trial of a temporary separation from dear 
connexions ! they will be resigned in humble confidence, 
that even the present trial may be among the many 
which are designed to draw us, as a family, nearer to 
the kingdom, and prove one of the means to promote 
our growth in grace, and consequently our meetness for 
an eternal inheritance. 

It is an unspeakable mercy, when increase of disease 
steals upon the frame, if the patient be preserved from 
anxiety about its progress. Nothing can enable any 
of us to get into this peaceful state, but an interest in 
the dear Redeemer, and the humble persuasion that He 
will mercifully refine and prepare the immortal part for 
an inheritance amongst them that are sanctified. 

In dearest love and sympathy I write in preference 
to speaking, as occasioning less excitement on both 
sides, and am, with the tender est interest, yet with 
feelings of resignation to the Divine will, which I am 
quite sure are not at my command, thy affectionately 
attached Mother, 

M. J. 



f 2 



100 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 



Short Accounts of Priscilla and Martha Jesup, pre* 

by their affectionate Mother, 



From a little child our dear Priscilla evinced great 
tenderness of spirit, and at a very early age there is 
reason to believe she was constantly in the practice of 
withdrawing from the family, for the purpose of private 
retirement. She was much concerned for the preserva- 
tion of her young friends in conduct consistent with our 
Christian profession, and notwithstanding her lively 
manners when in company with them, she studied to 
avoid that trifling way of spending time, in which 
some are too apt to indulge. 

When with those of other societies, a care was ob- 
vious in no way to compromise her own principles, 
but in her social intercourse with them, there was none 
of that reserve which is too often produced by an un- 
willingness to appear as a Friend in peculiarity of lan- 
guage and deportment. 

Knowing how great her care had been to walk cir- 
cumspectly in the Divine fear, it was touching indeed 
in her last illness to hear her exclaim, " Oh ! that I 
had loved my Saviour more!" May such solemn 
seasons be profitably remembered by all who witness 
the deep searching of heart which takes place when it 
becomes more enlightened, and an awful eternity is in 
prospect. 



OF MARY JESUP. 



101 



In the 12th mo. 1828, symptoms of consumption 
excited our serious apprehensions. She was favoured to 
bear the fluctuations of this trying disease with cheer- 
ful resignation. During her lingering illness she was 
enabled to cast her care upon her adorable Redeemer, 
in whom alone she trusted, being humbled under a 
sense of her own unworthiness. As her illness in- 
creased, she unfolded the state of her mind with more 
freedom: after an interesting conversation with her 
mother, she said, " I do not wish thee to suppose I am 
always discouraged respecting myself, but when I feel 
calm, I am sometimes afraid it is a delusion." " When 
I look at redemption through the Saviour, what a 
humbling view it is ! Such love ! — and yet when we 
feel this, how unwilling we are to be guided by his 
Spirit." 

One day in the beginning of the 9th month, when 
she was laid to rest, under the pressure of extreme 
debility, she said, that if she was sure all was well, 
(with the immortal part) though we were all so dear to 
her, she felt as if she could willingly go then ; but she 
thought when the body was suffering, the desire to be 
released was likely to be influenced by the weight of it, 
which was not the right feeling, neither was that which 
is produced by the anticipation of meeting dear friends 
in bliss ; but that the sole desire to depart should be 
that of being with the dear Redeemer himself. 

9th mo. 12th. She requested to be alone with her 
mother and sister, when she told them that the faint- 
ness with which she was frequently tried was partly 
occasioned by mental exercise ; on that morning the 



102 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

desire of her heart had been, "Oh! that I had loved 
my Saviour more !" 'I feel as if I could flee to Him, 
and yet I fear I may not obtain acceptance with Him.' 
One or two passages have presented, such as 'Fear 
not, little flock, it is your Father's good pleasure to 
give you the kingdom,' and ' In my Father's house are 
many mansions.' She said, that when thus tried, por- 
tions of Scripture generally occurred which might en- 
courage her, but for the fear that it was a delusion of 
the enemy to lull her into a false rest. She was much 
affected when relating the above, and the exertion 
seemed to be nearly as much as, in her reduced state, 
she was capable of bearing. 

Soon after this, on the same day, a dear friend in the 
ministry visited her, and in testimony expressed his 
belief that all her sins and iniquities would be blotted 
out of the book of remembrance — that all her tears 
would be wiped away, and that there was a mansion 
prepared for her in her Father's house. After a 
solemn pause, when about to take his leave, he said, 
" I believe, dear Priscilla, there is for thee the fulness 
of assurance that all will be well ;" on which the dear 
invalid ejaculated, " Oh ! what a mercy if it be so." 

On first-day the 19th, she said she felt something like 
a calm around her, but seemed fearful that it was a 
feeling produced by extreme debility. 

On the following sixth-day evening she appeared to 
be discouraged, from not being able to look to the right 
source for help, and said, that when endeavouring to do 
so, all seemed confusion. At that time she was much 
tried with pain, and feared she should not be patient 



OF MARY JESUP. 103 

enough. Conversing with a beloved relative about her 
near connexions, she said, " I wish thee to tell them 
all, that I now believe if I am taken, all will be well." 
At another time, " I have often thought previous suf- 
fering is nothing compared to the anticipated joy of 
being in Heaven" — and afterwards, "I feel as if I could 
part with you all, if it were to be to-morrow." Her 
mother then kneeled down, and offered the tribute of 
thanksgiving that another of her dear children was, she 
humbly trusted, about to join the spirits of the just of 
all generations. After a solemn season, dear Priscilla 
said to one of her sisters, " I know that you will miss 
me very much, but I have known what it is to rejoice 
for a sister deceased." Several sentences which fell 
from her lips at that time were so broken, that the 
whole of them could not be gathered. She was dis- 
tinctly heard to say, " Think of the glorious change, 
and of the love and mercy of the Saviour in weaning 
me from the world. When I was in health, I was 
convinced that the dear Redeemer died for us — that He 
died for me." 

On the morning of the day she died, she wished her 
invalid sister Martha to be carried into her room, when 
she appeared not only calm, but happy and cheerful. 
In the afternoon, although much altered, she was 
capable of giving instructions respecting the disposal of 
some trifling articles, which she did with clearness and 
composure. She was now rapidly sinking, and as her 
suffering increased, she expressed a fear lest she should 
become impatient. When we endeavoured to assist her, 
she said, " Let me go ;" " Pray for me;" afterwards, 



104 SELECTIONS PROM THE WRITINGS 

" I do not see my dear father/' When he came it 
seemed to be a great satisfaction to her, and he was 
enabled to offer a short but fervent prayer in her be- 
half. 

Within a few hours of the close I observed to her 9 
that it seemed to me scarcely possible that any could 
fully appreciate the value of the Saviour V sacrifice till 
brought into such circumstances. While memory re- 
mains I think I shall never forget the sweet expressive 
look of assent which beamed in her countenance, as she 
turned her eyes to me in token of reply. 

The solemn close took place about half-past eight 
o'clock in the evening of the 29th of "9th month, 1829, 
when the immortal spirit, we humbly trust, was admit- 
ted into everlasting rest. 

Martha, the youngest daughter of Samuel and Mary 
Jesup, was removed from this state of mutability in the 
twenty-first year of her age. 

For several years she had been subject to frequent at- 
tacks of indisposition, and in the summer of 1826 it was 
discovered that the spine was affected, and not gaining 
any advantage from other means, she was recommended 
to make trial of confinement to a horizontal position* 
Her health appeared, at first, to suffer from this treat- 
ment, but in a few months it was evident that her back 
had greatly improved, and she was daily raised by de- 
grees, for a short time, upon the plane, until she was 
able to quit it entirely, in the fifth month, 1828. 
During this confinement Sarah Knight was removed by 
death, and it was a trial to her affectionate heart, that 
she could not once visit this precious sister during her 



OP MARY JESUP. 105 

protracted illness ; but she was favoured to submit to 
this and other privations with much calmness and re- 
signation. From this time she gradually regained her 
strength, and was able frequently to attend meetings, 
and derive benefit from taking moderate exercise. It is 
comforting to discover, from memoranda dated the 
latter end of 1828, and the early part of the following- 
year, that with this prospect of returning health, her 
mind was exercised in watchfulness and prayer, accom- 
panied with deep searehings of heart, and very humble 
views of her own state. 

The following extracts from the papers alluded to, 
and from her correspondence, may prove interesting and 
instructive to the youthful reader. 

" 11th mo. 1828. Last night my precious mother was 
attacked with violent spasms. To-day, after reading, 
she expressed her earnest desires that we might all be 
preparing for eternity, through faith in Him who died 
for us. ' Oh ! for this precious faith ! In private 
retirement this evening, I think I was mercifully fa- 
voured to cast my burden on the Lord, and (may I say,) 
to sit at the feet of Jesus, more than has been the case 
for the past week. Ah! in that time, omissions of 
duty, in not occupying a few minutes in private when 
I should have done so, have prevented my living as 
near to the Father of spirits as I have been permitted 
in times past. I trust I have prayed that this sin may 
be blotted out/ 

u I think I can at times say, in sincerity, ' O Lord! 
make me what thou wouldst have me to be. Show 
me the multitude of my sins, and that nothing but the 

f 3 



106 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

blood of thy dear Son can blot them out of thy book. 
Give me faith to believe in Him ; make me to love Thee, 

my God! that love may work obedience ; and whether 
long or short my life, let me never forget Thee ; and 
give me patience to wait for thy presence in my heart/ 

" I think I may safely, I hope in simplicity, resume 
my pen ; much, very much, has passed in my restless 
bosom since I last used it. Yesterday I completed my 
nineteenth year. When I take a view of the past year, 

1 am constrained to acknowledge that adorable good- 
ness has condescended to lead me in the path that I 
never should have chosen for myself; and even when 
I have held back, and strayed from the only safe 
way, and pleaded for another course that would involve 
less self-denial; — even when I have thus slighted 
the calls and despised the leadings of a gracious God, 
He has again showed me that no peace can be found 
out of Him, and has at times given me ability to believe 
in his dear Son, as a propitiation for my sins. 

" I2th mo. 17th, 1828. I think I have of late tasted the 
sweetness of exalted friendship, that in which the con- 
cerns of the soul are uppermost ; in which we find 
that it is in this all-important subject the union of 
feeling consists. Oh! when tried within, how comfort- 
ing to believe that a friend we love feels for and with 
us. But when we thus flee to a fellow-mortal, who we 
believe partakes of our sorrows, how necessary to remem- 
ber, and what a consolation should it be to us, that there 
is One who is above all, who is c touched with a feeling 
of our infirmities,' to whom it is a duty and a privilege 
to flee for relief ! 



OF MARY JESUP. 107 

" 1828. May we ever feel a congeniality of sentiment, 
and may these sentiments be founded on the solid basis 
of truth ; may they strengthen as we grow older, and 
may nothing ever appear so desirable to us as to build 
on the true foundation. Oh ! to have an increasingly 
clear view of the immense importance of eternity com- 
pared with time. Let us consider it is for eternity we 
are created, and that time is but the passage to it. I 
think I do feel something of the inferiority and nothing- 
ness of the things of this life, when viewed with those of 
the life to come; and also of the danger, the great danger, 
of losing the little we may have gained, and of the need 
of looking continually to a power superior to our own 
to uphold us — so soon are we entangled with this 
world ! " 

QHow often, and how instructively are our pleasing 
hopes frustrated ! In the 6th mo. 1829, a feverish com- 
plaint again much reduced poor Martha, and though she 
partially recovered from this, she was never able to 
walk across the room without assistance, and from the 
pain which followed this exertion, it was soon evident 
that the spinal affection had increased : yet feeling de- 
sirous of avoiding, if possible, entire confinement to one 
position, which would have prevented her being taken 
into dear Priscilla's chamber, it was delayed for some 
months, until it became absolutely necessary.] 

" 6th mo. 1829. ' They that wait upon the Lord shall 
renew their strength.' I know liow incapable I am of 
saying a word aright, and since I dare not attempt to 
give human counsel, let us endeavour to get deeper and 
deeper, nearer and nearer to the Source of all good, that 



108 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

we may be taught by the Spirit of truth ; then we 
shall not only feel all want of human aid abundantly 
made up, but shall be enabled to diseern if any one un- 
skilled, like myself, offer anything unsuitable. I wish 
we may both increase in our diligence to get acquainted 

with the inward Teacher ; nothing, my dear , can, 

I think, be more likely to forward this work, than the 
daily retirement thou hast mentioned." 

£8th mo. 1829. " Alluding to her bodily affliction she 

writes,] " Oh, my dear , that the good effects 

thou so kindly desirest may be abundantly witnessed F 
but how do I fear the end not being answered. Here 
thou wilt think is wanted a more lively faith. Oh ! it 
is true. I believe undoubtedly, if our faith were 
stronger, we should run with greater alacrity on our 
spiritual journey. And why is it not stronger ? Surely 
it is because we do not earnestly enough seek and pa- 
tiently wait for this ' gift of God.' It is here that I 
fear for myself, so soon am I "weary in well-doing.'' 
But it is of no avail that I complain of these things to 
my fellow-creatures ; it is a spirit of lukewarmness, that 
which, with all our other besetments and sins must be 
brought to Him who has mercifully invited us to Ci cast 
our burden upon Him," and seek for a supply of strength 
to overcome these hindrances in our spiritual course. 

" I afresh feel my situation with regard to dear Pris- 
cilla, whom I see only a few minutes in each day, from 
her increasing illness. Her time on earth is fast hasten- 
ing to its close. This thought strikes the mind with 
full force, when I am compelled to see so little of 
her. But oh ! what need I have to remember who 



OF MARY JESUP. 109 

hath ordered it thus — that He cannot err, and that it is 
the duty of short-sighted man, not only to submit to his 
appointments, but to feel it a privilege to be in his 
hands, and know no will but his. 

[[Her feelings under this privation are further described 
in the following notes, addressed to her dear sister 
Priscilla.] 

" Since, dearest girl, our interviews are * few and far 
between/ nature bids me substitute a something in 
place of that personal intercourse which necessity 
obliges us for a short time to relinquish. I hope I feel 
no real controversy with the dispensations of Him whose 
ways are not as our ways, nor his thoughts as our 
thoughts. 

" Again, my dear sister, I have taken pencil and pa- 
per. I have told thee I enjoy- to do so ; but I think that 
enjoyment increases, because the less I can see of thee 
the more I prize remaining privileges, which, were my 
heart sufficiently alive to gratitude, I should be ever 
ready to acknowledge are still many. ' Our blessings 
brighten as they take their flight/ and are we not 
blessed when we know it not ? — ought we not to be- 
lieve that some unseen blessing hovers even here ? It 
is not (always) in a wordy tide that feeling pours itself 
along ; ' but I feel as if I must say, may the blessing 
of heaven rest upon thee and upon us all ! Everything 
else now seems weak and comfortless, does it not ? Now 
we ought to welcome any trial that may convince us 
of this ! Oh ! that this conviction may continually abide 
with me. 

" I hope thou art enjoying thy ride as much as weak- 



110 



SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 



ness will allow. I live in fancy, and in recollections with 
nature's loveliness, for I can hardly cherish a hope that 
she will glow with the splendour of summer when I 
visit her again. How often do I think of the following 
lines, when anxiously looking for recovery : — 

' Oh ! rather let this care be thine, 
Depending on a grace divine, 
To use the portion given ; 
In humble prayer be earnest still, 
That it may be thy Father's will, 
That all that bears the shape of ill 
Might make thee meet for heaven.'" 

In the eleventh month, 1829, about two months 
after her dear sisters decease, she again took possession 
of her plane, after which for a time her health im- 
proved, and she often expressed what relief she found 
from it. 

In the fifth month, 1830, an increase of illness came 
on, attended with almost total loss of appetite, a slight 
cough, and such an altered countenance as led her 
anxiously watching relatives to believe there was but 
little probability of her restoration. 

During this long confinement it is believed that she 
passed through much mental exercise, though she did not 
appear to feel at liberty to disclose the state of her mind 
to any, until about the middle of the sixth month, when 
feeling increasingly weak and ill, she called her sister 
to tell her how much worse she was, and described her 
feelings as different from those she had been favoured 
with. " I am so faint. I do not feel calm. I have 



OF MARY JESUP. Ill 

no confidence. Some time past I was more comfortable, 
and when feeling more unwell, I have thought of what 
dear sister Sarah said — 

' Trials must and will befal, 
But in humble faith to see, 
Love inscribed upon them all, 
This is happiness to me.' 

" Last evening, when dear father and thou seemed 
dull, and I thought of getting worse, my feelings about 
thee were very keen for a time ! but all at once I felt 
that He who cares for one, cares also for another. I 
then could pray for you all — now I feel most on my 
own account/ 

She then wished to be still for a little while, and 
after a pause said, " I feel much better than I did 
when I called thee ; but when I feel peaceful I am 
afraid to say so, lest I should be too easy." 

After some other observations, she said, " When I 

think of that mercy which enlarged upon, I think 

you need not be discouraged about me. Although I 
feel more comfortable than I have any right to expect, 
you must not think there is nothing for me to do. I 
only feel as if I were going a little before, and thus it 
seems a little thing to leave you, if such a mercy should be 
granted as to meet again in heaven." During the 
conversation, she said she had always been a reasoner, 
and feared she should almost think away her faith: 
" What I want is to trust. " 

7th mo. 22nd. — Her mother going to her after she 
was settled for the night, she said, " I feel this evening 



112 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

more as if I had something to anchor on." She was 
asked whether she did not mean to say she had a confi- 
dent hope ; she answered, " Yes; but I do not like to 
say much at such times, because perhaps I do not feel 
enough; and yet, when I do possess this confidence, 
everything seems to give way, and the anxiety about 
you is taken away, and I feel that I can leave you to 
better care. This thought lightens the trial ; but when 
I am full of fears everything here seems so precious to 
me." 

25th. First-day morning. — After a time of silence she 
said, " I feel more comfortable than I have any right 
to expect ; " and observed, that for some days the fol- 
lowing line had often occurred to her recollection — 

" c And in a Saviour's love I feel that I am blest.' 

But you must not suppose that I can fully adopt it. 
— Oh ! yes, I think I can, too." 

During the last three months of her life, as disease 
increased, she was enabled to bear her sufferings with 
calmness and composure, mostly observing silence re- 
specting the state of her mind, whilst her whole de- 
portment evinced that her heart was occupied almost 
unremittingly in pursuit of that treasure which only is 
durable. She highly prized the visits of friends who 
would be likely to enter into religious feeling with her, 
and her spirit seemed to be refreshed by frequently 
hearing short portions of Scripture, though she could 
not read herself. 

12th mo. 6th. In reply to some remarks, the dear 
girl said, " I think I have a Saviour." The next morn- 



OP MARY JESUP. 



113 



ing she expressed a fear that she was too calm, but 
afterwards said, " I think it is the Saviour." 

Feeling extremely ill, she said, " I want you all to 
pray for patience. I feel more confidence ; but it is a 
sad thing to feel more impatient." 

On the 8th : " I do feel more of a stay, but so un- 
worthy. I do not wish to feel worthy of it. I want to 
sink under it, and to keep sunk." She mentioned some 
young friends with affectionate solicitude, saying, " I 
wish them well. I wish all well." About half-past 
nine her sufferings increased, and she asked, " Is this 
going?" adding, " lam afraid patience will not hold 
out, and that my faith hardly will." Soon after she 
appeared very peaceful, and said, " I feel as if I can 
hope that a seat in the kingdom will be granted me. 
When I think of this I do not forget you — 1 think of 
you all. " A belief was expressed that the Saviour was 
very near her. She replied, " I think He is." Again 
she expressed her fear lest patience should fail, remark- 
ing, " I have muscular strength yet." " We ought to be 
willing to stay, and suffer, and do a Father's will. " 

Notwithstanding her faith and confidence in the sup- 
porting power and comforting presence of her blessed 
Saviour had been so preciously renewed, it pleased her 
heavenly Father, in his inscrutable wisdom, to with- 
draw the light of his countenance from her ; and several 
hours of mental conflict succeeded, so that a little 
time after she mournfully said, " 1 cannot see the Sa- 
viour so clearly as I did. " During this proving season, 
she desired that " patience might have its perfect work. " 
She said, " I fear I cannot say ' Thy will be done.'" 



114 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

With much fervency she added, " Pray that my faith 
may not fail. I fear that my heavenly Father is angry 
with me for doubting so much." At another time, 
"I feel as if I could only say, ' The Saviour.'" It was 
remarked, " There is nothing else to trust to." She 
replied, " I cannot trust in anything else " 

She appeared to derive comfort from that passage 
being read to her, " Think it not strange concerning 
the fiery trial which is to try you, as if some strange 
thing happened to you, but rejoice, inasmuch as ye are 
partakers of Christ's sufferings, that when his glory shall 
be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy." 
A hope was expressed, that she was not tried at the 
thought of a separation from those dear to her, when she 
answered, " No, I do not feel that so much ; but I feel 
so extremely impatient, and the prospect has been so 
dark for several hours — no brightness — I do not feel fit 
to sing praises. " 

At intervals she felt sleepy, and seemed doubtful if, 
under the circumstances, it were right to yield to it, 
when one remarked, what a favour it would be if she 
were " to awake in his likeness." With great energy 
she replied, " What an inexpressible favour that would 
be!" 

About nine the next morning she inquired if we 
thought her near the close, and expressed a fear that she 
was too anxious to be released, with great fervour add- 
ing, "Do pray." For some hours she appeared more 
free from pain, her breathing became shorter, and she 
was sweetly tranquil. On being asked if she felt 
peaceful, she replied, " I think I do not feel otherwise." 



OF MARY JESUP. 



115 



About half an hour before her precious spirit was re- 
leased, with a look of inexpressible sweetness, she ex- 
claimed, " Can it be true ! — the gate is open." 

She was favoured to pass most peacefully away, about 
half-past eleven o'clock on fifth-day morning, the 9th 
of 12th mo. 1830. 



116 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 



AN EPISTLE TO FRIENDS 



GREAT BRITAIN AND IRELAND. 



Dear Friends, 

Prompted by motives of Gospel love towards my fel- 
low-professors, and by a desire for the exaltation of 
Christ's kingdom in their hearts, I venture to address 
them on a subject which appears to me to be of the first 
importance. 

I have neither the tongue nor the pen of the learned 
to employ in this service ; but I believe this ought not 
to prevent my expressing, in the simplicity of my heart, 
the exercise I have long been under, on behalf of the 
members of our religious society, that they may increas- 
ingly become a spiritually-minded people ; such were 
the primitive Christians ; such, there is reason to believe, 
were our early Friends. Would it not be well for us to 
consider by what means we also may be enabled to 
" walk in the Spirit" with persevering watchfulness. 
To engage in religious performances with unprepared 



OF MARY JESUP. 117 

hearts, would not promote this desirable end ; but I 
would encourage all classes amongst us to be vigilant in 
waiting for ability to perform the indispensable duties of 
mental prayer and praise : and this not only in religious 
meetings, and when families are collected for the pur- 
pose of reading the Holy Scriptures, but that care be 
taken daily to dedicate a portion of time, to withdraw 
from our temporal engagements ; and, even literally, to 
" enter into the closet (or private apartment) and shut 
the door," that we may be secluded from all outward 
interruption; such an effort to disengage our minds 
from hindering things, it is believed, would prove an 
acceptable sacrifice in the sight of Him who seeth in 
secret. And though discouragement may at times be 
felt, because " the flesh is weak;" yet, if there be but 
a patient waiting for holy help, and a steady persever- 
ance in " looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher 
of our ^aith, " there is- ground to believe, that a capacity 
would be witnessed, to bow acceptably at the 
footstool of Divine mercy, and to offer up our peti- 
tions for ability to " lay aside every weight, and the sin 
which doth so easily beset, and to run with patience the 
race that is set before us ! " Should this address ob- 
tain general circulation, I trust it will fall into the 
hands of many, who can testify, from blessed experi- 
ence, that at seasons, when they have retired in a state of 
dryness and insensibility, light has arisen, and they have 
been favoured to experience a true " hunger and thirst 
after righteousness ; " so that they have been made sen- 
sible that the Spirit hath indeed helped their infirmities , 
and made intercession for them. 



118 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

I do not assert that every rightly-exercised mind 
will, at all times, derive sensible encouragement and con- 
solation from this practice; but I fully believe it is 
nevertheless our duty to place ourselves in a situation 
the most likely to draw down the Divine blessing upon 
us. There will doubtless be times, when we shall have 
" the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should 
not trust in ourselves, but in God, which raiseth the 
dead ; " but this will humble the creature, and promote 
our growth in grace and spiritual advancement, perhaps 
as much as those seasons wherein sensible refreshment 
is dispensed. Allow me, therefore, my dear friends, to 
impress upon your minds the necessity of faithfulness 
in the discharge of so great a duty as that of " watching 
unto prayer." We read that our blessed Lord " spake a 
parable to this end, that men ought always to pray, 
and not to faint ; " in another place he says, " Verily ! 
verily ! I say unto you, whatsoever ye shall ask the 
Father in my name, He will give it you ;" " Ask and ye 
shall receive, that your joy may be full :" and again, " If 
ye, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your 
children, how much more shall your heavenly Father 
give the Holy Spirit to them that ask Him. " Surely 
the encouragement thus held out by the highest au- 
thority should strengthen our faith in his promises. 
" Let us, therefore, come boldly to the throne of grace, 
that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in 
time of need. " 

To those who thus reverently wait upon the Lord, I 
believe it seldom occurs but that a renewal of spiritual 
strength is experienced, and a degree of ability witnessed 



OF MARY JESUP. 119 

to offer up our petitions " unto Him that is able to keep 
us from falling, and to present us faultless before the 
presence of his glory with exceeding joy." And who 
that has been thus exercised in the opening of the day, 
but would be impressed through the course of it with a 
sense of the necessity of endeavouring to cherish the 
spirit of prayer: that when he mixes with society a 
holy restraint may be felt, lest there should be any de- 
parture from the paths of duty. This watchful disposi- 
tion of mind would neither be productive of a gloomy 
reserve, nor preclude the enjoyment of social intercourse; 
but would expand our hearts in love and charity towards 
our fellow-mortals, and in desire that we may be pre- 
served from putting " a stumbling-block, or an occasion 
to fall in our brother's way." Who does not see the 
spiritual advantage that would result from having the 
mind thus impressed, day by day, with a sense of its 
duty to God and man ; and with a conviction that, in 
order to perform this duty, Divine assistance must be 
reverently waited for ? 

Thus, sensible of the incalculable benefits of retire- 
ment, I am anxious to prevail upon all my friends to 
avail themselves of the privilege, to press through the 
crowd of impediments which may obstruct their per- 
severance in this important duty ; should they even 
seem, when faith is at a low ebb, like insurmountable 
difficulties. It is admitted, that, in some situations in 
life, the time devoted to this purpose, must of necessity 
be short ; but if very little time can be prudently 
spared from domestic or other duties, that little, rightly 
spent, may prove as acceptable to the Searcher of 



120 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

hearts, as the widow's mite which was cast into the 
treasury. Again, persons in health, by early rising, 
may always secure a portion of time for this important 
service, before the occupations of the day commence. 
Thus, the man of business may be enabled to cultivate 
the spirit of prayer; and, if his "eye be single," his 
whole body will "be full of light ;" so that his spiritual 
perception will be quick, and he will the more readily 
discover the snares which the adversary of man's happi- 
ness is continually laying to entangle the unwary. If 
this watchful state of mind be cherished, devotional 
feelings, there is every reason to hope, will so prevail in 
the evening, that sleep will not be given to the eyes, 
nor slumber to the eyelids, until some time has been 
spent in reverently drawing nigh unto Him, whose w e 
are, and whom we ought faithfully to serve. 

A mother, whose incumbrances may be many, in 
attending to her infant charge, and to other necessary 
cares, will find that a few minutes thus spent in reve- 
rential awe, at the footstool of Divine mercy, will not 
be, to her, time lost ; on the contrary, she will thereby 
be enabled to cast her care on Him, who is " touched 
with the feeling of our infirmities," and be encouraged 
to commit the keeping of her soul, with the souls of her 
offspring, to a faithful Creator. 

In an especial manner I wish to encourage diffident 
minds, who may be tempted to think it almost pre- 
sumption in them to expect that the spirit of prayer 
should be vouchsafed to any so unworthy as they feel 
themselves to be. May such be animated to begin and 
persevere in the practice here recommended ; for there is 



OF MARY JESUF. 121 

no doubt with me, if they thus present themselves be- 
fore the Lord, in humility and abasedness of soul, but 
that the blessing which they seek will be mercifully 
dispensed. 

And, oh ! how thankful should I be if any nominal 
professor amongst us, who may have forgotten his 
heavenly Father, or neglected his duty towards Him, 
days without number, might be awakened to a sense of 
his dangerous situation; and should any such be so 
smitten with remorse as to fear that his iniquities will 
for ever separate between him and his God, let him not 
despair, but remember that the Saviour declared, " I 
came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repent- 
ance." Instead, then, of the awakened soul endea- 
vouring, like our first parents, to hide himself from the 
all-seeing eye, because he is afraid ; let him consider 
how awfully affecting it would be, if, in such a state of 
alienation from his Maker, he should be summoned to 
appear in another state of existence, before the Judge of 
all the earth. May such an awful reflection induce him to 
flee to our great Advocate, " Jesus Christ, the righteous," 
who is " the propitiation for our sins ; and not for 
' ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world ;" 
trusting in his mercy, who is " able to save them to the 
uttermost that come unto God by him ; seeing he 
ever liveth to make intercession for them." Let all 
such be encouraged to humble themselves " under the 
mighty hand of God," and listen to the apostolic coun- 
sel, " Repent ye, therefore^ and be converted, that your 
sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing- 
shall come from the presence of the Lord. " 

G 



122 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS 

The poor penitent, humbled under a sense of trans- 
gressions, waiting upon the Lord in daily retirement, 
and patiently " bearing his indignation, because he 
hath sinned against Him, " will come to witness a capa- 
city to " sorrow after a godly manner," and, in a degree 
of faith, to adopt the language, " Lord, if thou wilt 
thou canst make me clean ; " and if he sincerely confess 
his sins, God is " faithful and just to forgive him his 
sins, and to cleanse him from all unrighteousness." Then 
will he be enabled to " pray with the Spirit and with the 
understanding also." May persons of this description 
come, taste, and see for themselves, that the Lord is 
gracious ; that He is mercifully disposed to " heal their 
backslidings and love them freely." If these submit to 
have their steps ordered of the Lord, they may in due 
time be enabled experimentally to adopt the words of 
the Psalmist, " I waited patiently for the Lord, and He 
inclined unto me, and heard my cry ; He brought me 
up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and 
set my feet upon a rock, and established my goiugs ; 
and He hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise 
unto our God.'* 

Those who have been measurably purified and en- 
lightened, so as to have a deep and abiding sense of the 
incalculable value of immortal souls, and what is due 
from dependant creatures towards the Author of our 
being, will not only experience a living exercise of 
spirit on their own account, but will be likely at seasons 
to feel their hearts enlarged to supplicate for their fami- 
lies, their connexions, their friends, and the whole fa- 
mily of man, agreeably to the advice of the Apostle 



OF MARY JESUP. 123 

Paul, in the First of Timothy, 2nd chap. 1st to 6th 
verse, viz. " I exhort, therefore, that, first of all, sup- 
plications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, 
be made for all men : for kings, and for all that are in 
authority ; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable 
life, in all godliness and honesty. — For this is good and 
acceptable in the sight of God, our Saviour, who will 
have all men to be saved, and to come unto the know- 
ledge of the truth. For there is one God, and one Me- 
diator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who 
gave himself a ransom for all." This comforting assur- 
ance of the universality of the love of God, may encou- 
rage us to intercede for those who appear dead in tres- 
passes and sins, when we are favoured with access to the 
throne of grace, even as the same apostle exhorts, " I 
will, therefore, that men pray everywhere, lifting up 
holy hands, without wrath and doubting." Many in- 
deed are the iniquities and transgressions which abound 
in this land : some of its inhabitants who have the 
form of godliness, are, it is to be feared, strangers to the 
power thereof : there are others who have even " denied 
the Lord thatbought them, "and are in danger of "bring- 
ing'upon themselves swift destruction. " Because of these 
things, the hearts of the righteous among the various 
religious denominations, are made sad : perhaps justly 
fearing, lest the awful language should, in effect, go 
forth from the Most High : " Shall I not visit for 
these things ? Shall not my soul be avenged on such a 
nation as this ? " I have a firm persuasion, that sincere 
prayers have been offered up by many, for the continued 
extension of that Divine mercy which has hitherto pre- 



124 SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS, &C. 

served and distinguished this highly-favoured nation in 
a remarkable manner. Here I would enforce on the 
minds of my fellow-professors, the necessity there is for 
a guard on our part, on the one hand, that we do not 
engage in any devotional act, in the activity of our own 
will ; and on the other, lest we should, through un- 
watchfulness, indifTerence, and the love of ease, deprive 
ourselves of a capacity to "know the mind of the 
Spirit, " whereby we may be enabled at times, accept- 
ably to petition that the spirit of infidelity may be 
checked, and that those whose precious souls are in 
jeopardy, may yet be turned " from darkness to light, 
and from the power of Satan unto God. " 

Finally, my brethren and sisters, may " the God of 
peace, who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, 
that great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of 
the everlasting covenant, make you perfect in every 
good work to do his will, working in you that which is 
well pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to 
whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. " 

Mary Jesup. 

Halstead, in t Essex, 
1st of 5th month, 1820. 



THE END. 



Han-ey and Darton, Printers,Gracechurch-street. 



(hi 

77 



